How to be an Unemployed Millennial Writer

  1. Submit your writing to websites you don’t even read anymore, because you think “This site has become such crap: I’ve even seen people I KNOW get shitty writing published on there. Why not my mediocre words?” Only to be rejected (At least they’re prompt! Only took 5 days). Realize you most likely didn’t get published because you didn’t submit “20,000 Ways to Boost Your Millenial Ego” to add to their already REVERED catalog on the matter.
  2. Go on long walks to keep yourself from solely decaying and conversing with your dog. Walk erratically, walk calmly- walk in whichever way feels right. Ogle at trees and birds nests and leaves crunching beneath your feet. Appreciate all of the stuff no one (besides Leonardo DiCaprio) cares about anymore.
  3. Try and finish The Sopranos again. You will not- but save it for next time you’re unemployed.
  4. Do not apply to any jobs looking for a social media “guru” or a “rockstar.” How the fuck are you going to put “social media ninja” on your LinkedIn let alone TELL people what you do???
  5. Have an opportunity to write or work somewhere you admire be ripped from your hands just as haphazardly as it was dropped into your lap. Think you will never be saved from this hell.
  6. When you think your writing doesn’t belong anywhere, think of all the writers like you who have felt the same way. Maybe it is time you say FUCK THIS SHIT and write a book.
  7. When you feel rejected: write. When you feel sad: write. When you feel lost: please, WRITE.
  8. Remember that the only person who can save you is you. If you don’t believe that your talent is worth celebrating- no one else ever will either.

Think who the fuck cares over and over and over again: you do.