Guidance, Not Pressure: Encouraging Children to Follow Their Passions
Ways to Support Your Child’s Unique Path
It often looks like the decision you make are not really yours.
It’s decided by your perception of people’s opinions of you, how people will react to your decisions, and finally your need to live up to the societal expectations.
There’s no denying this fact. Look around you and you’ll find all the evidence you need.
I get that.
Humans are social beings and need to belong to a group or tribe or family or community. But the desperate need to ‘belong’ deprives you of the chance to try something new, and think differently.
As parents you want the same thing for your children which million other parents are aspiring for today, had aspired for years before. Study hard, get super high grades, become a technical graduate and join the millions in the employment rat race.
Stop Caring For What Others Have To Say
The reality is nobody cares what grades your child gets. They’re not responsible for their success nor are they going to lift a finger to help them in their future. It’s all YOUR responsibility.
So why join the crowds? Think out-of-the-box.
The ultimate objective of any parent is to make sure that their child does well in future. Right?
How to support your child’s unique path?
The first step in this direction is to understand the child, their aspirations and interests, their aptitude and capabilities, their strengths and weakness, their focus and ambitions.
Without a clear understanding of what the child wants, planning their future is like asking the child to build a sand castle on the beach and watch it get washed away, little by little, with every wave. Wasted efforts.
Let them experiment with different activities to see what appeals to them. Provide ample opportunities and resources for them to explore and delve into.
Create an environment where exploration is encouraged. Start off early (maybe when they’re still in the primary grades) so they get time to figure out what they want to do (or at least have some idea of what interests them).
More importantly, don’t impose your dreams on them. There’s no rule that says the doctor’s kid has to be a doctor, or the business has to be managed by the next generation in the family. Nepotism has its limits.
Be their strength as they break the chains of ‘family tradition’ and excel. And excel they’ll because they’re passionate about it, they want to do this.
Of course they haven’t seen the big bad world outside. They don’t know what’s it like out there. Well, that’s why you are there. It’s the responsibility of the parents to prepare the child for the world they’ll be eventually living in.
Steps for Empowering The Future
Provide them the guidance.
Set flexible yet clear boundaries.
Create frameworks within which they can operate.
Teach them to make decisions and how to go about it.
Allow them freedom of choice in small bits so they develop the skill of making meaningful decisions.
Build their confidence and self-esteem. Instead of squashing their dreams at the word go, hear them out.
Believe in them.
Trust them to know what they want. It goes a long way in reducing your stress and building a strong bond between you and your child.
Read Between The Lines
What we tend to overlook is -
One, it’s their lives and they have to live it. So they’ve every right to be part of the decision-making about what they want to do;
Two, nobody cares if they carry on the family tradition or not, it’s between you and your child; and
Three, if they’re passionate about what they want to do, they’ll do it either ways. So, better to start off early rather than wasting years forcing them to do something they don’t enjoy. Instead of fighting them, become their pillar of support.
Conclusion
Every animal teaches its young ones the necessary life skills to survive like hunting or catching prey. We, the intelligent species, focus on creating boundaries, restricting their natural strengths from developing, burdening them with secondary skills and knowledge which may or may not be useful.
They deserve one chance to prove themselves by doing things their way. Trust them and let them fly. If they falter, you’re there for them and that must be their strength.
Listen to your heart, not the neighbours or family or colleagues.
Hey, I’m Gomati Sekhar Ghosh, a writer, blogger. And also a veteran, educator and solopreneur.
I’m enjoying writing about the lessons learnt over the years in the different roles, be it in the uniform or classroom. I mostly explore themes based on parenting, children, and personal development.
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