How Conflict Resolution Shapes Emotional Intelligence in Teens

There’s a significant connection.

If you haven’t had at least one showdown with your teenager then you’re the lucky one. Really lucky.

It’s a tricky business, understanding the teens.

They’re caught between the two worlds, neither of which they want to let go. On one hand is the childhood filled with hugs and playtime and dreams of adventures, and on the other hand is the lure of adulthood, of becoming a person with freedom and an identity.

It’s a confusing time. Add to that the hormones play havoc with the body and mind.

They no longer want to be treated as kids, yet they haven’t seen enough of the world to do without some handholding.

Conflicts are the inevitable outlet to their anxiety, fear and confusion.

All the more reason to understand how conflict resolution effects the emotional intelligence of your teen.

Understanding EQ

EI or EQ helps to predict the emotional maturity of the person in social situations.

Teaching teens about EQ is essential as it teaches them to use their emotions effectively.

The higher the EQ, the better they’ll be able to deal with emotions, develop self-confidence, have stronger relationships and handle stress better.

It also increases their resilience and problem solving skills. This can result in better mental health and higher levels of motivation and focus.

By helping them build their EQ, you can help your teen adjust to changes in a healthy manner.

Self-awareness and self-regulation

It’s their lack of maturity which makes them blame everyone for their problems. They don’t see their contribution to the conflict.

And if you dare to point out their mistake, then it’s like unleashing a tsunami of emotions.

Avoid a war of words. You know your child best. Look for ways for them to see the problem from a different perspective by asking them open-ended questions.

Zoom out to show them the bigger picture. Ask if they could’ve dealt with it differently, how it would impact the outcome, what could they’ve done differently to get the desired outcome.

By letting them think, you’re creating self-awareness.

Being impulsive and wanting to appear in control can cause them more problems than they want to deal with. Help them to learn how to pause and think before reacting.

It’s not going to happen overnight but learning to regulate their emotions will be an empowering asset.

Empathy and understanding others.

When was the last time your teen agreed that they were in the wrong, or that it was their mistake?

As per them, all problems are because of the mistakes of others, not them.

When you ask them to look from the other person’s perspective, they won’t because they’ve decided that the other person is wrong.

So play a devil’s advocate and sow seeds of doubt in their minds. Sneaky, I know but how else do you crack the wall.

Why did the other person act like that?

Maybe there’s something bothering them.

Guide your teen towards thinking from the other person’s point of view.

Encourage them to listen to what’s being said instead of promptly reacting. This helps develop empathy in your teen.

Also they’ll understand the importance of taking the other person’s perspective into account.

This will greatly assist them to handle conflicts with confidence in future.

Improved social skills.

Resolving a conflict may be all about arguing and making your point. But your teen needs to see that it’s much more than that.

If they want to resolve the conflict, they need to build their other skills like negotiations, communication, collaboration and listening skills.

Together they can provide them the much needed edge over the others, giving them an advantage in any altercation. And maybe even enabling them to reach an amicable and favourable solution.

Conclusion

It’s exhausting but it’s crucial. Teaching your teen about the life skills that will help them in future is perhaps the most essential responsibility for you.

And it’s highly unlikely that they’ll go through life without facing any form of conflict. So why not prepare them for it?

By creating self-awareness and empathy, teaching them to regulate their emotions and working on improving their social skills, you’re ensuring they’re prepared for the world they’re so excited to be a part of.

This has given me an idea about a book. Let me work on that and will inform you once it starts taking some form.

Hey, I’m Gomati Sekhar Ghosh, a writer, blogger. And also a veteran, educator and solopreneur.

I enjoy writing about the lessons learnt over the years in the different roles. I mostly explore themes based on parenting, children, and personal development.

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