How to Transform Setbacks into Stepping Stones for Kids?

Redefining failure.

“I’m disappointed in you!”

“How could you not do it?”

“Your friends have done better than you!”

That’s the default reaction when a child comes up to you to tell that they haven’t been able to do something.

Instinctively you react, without giving a thought to the impact of those words on their tender minds.

If they had the wherewithal, they would’ve done it.

But they didn’t.

And that’s where you’ve to step in. Being a parent is more than just providing for them; it’s about preparing them for their lives ahead.

There’ll be a few bumps along the way. Teach them to navigate those.

Our society strives on setting benchmarks to decide each child’s capability or worth.

If they don’t meet those benchmarks, they’re seen as failures.

In India, a child’s worth is decided by their academic performances. The higher the grades they get in the exams, the better they are. Everything else is insignificant.

For the child, it’s a big setback, especially if they see its impact on you. They feel responsible for disappointing you.

Add to that is the burden of guilt and shame those young shoulders have to bear.

It shouldn’t be like that. It must never be.

Their young minds must not be made to feel like they’re no good.

Each setback must be seen as a positive experience where they learn something about themselves. The fear of failure must not inhibit their growth.

Don’t be afraid to fail; be afraid of never trying. Failure is the stepping stone to success.

It’s important for parents and educators to inculcate a growth mindset in their children.

Their failure must not be seen as an end, but the beginning of something new.

They’ll imbibe your positivity and energy if you believe in them.

Developing a growth mindset is not a session of pep talk or something that can be developed in a day or two. It has to be nurtured over years.

It can be seen in the words you say, in your actions, your reactions. These are the things which will tell your child that you believe in them, in their abilities; that their grades do not define them.

And that you’re there for them always, doesn’t matter the results.

Your belief in them is what builds up their confidence and inspires them to go ahead, try new things, pursue ‘their’ dreams.

Children have to be taught that failure is one way of not doing something; try another route.

“Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.”

- Nelson Mandela

Help them analyse and review the steps they had taken earlier. What went wrong, how can they avoid the mistakes, areas to improve upon.

It’s an invaluable learning experience, a journey of self-discovery. Share your stories where you had failed, how you had dealt with it, what did you learn, how has it helped you grow.

Believe me, they’ll look up to you with renewed respect as you become more relatable.

And more importantly, don’t make them feel like losers. You may not have a thumping achievement to celebrate but you can still celebrate their efforts.

It will inspire and motivate them when you appreciate and acknowledge their hardwork.

Their belief in themselves will be restored. They’ll find new energy to forge their way ahead. They will discover a sense of purpose and resilience.

Children see themselves in your eyes.

As parents you’ve to be their support, encouraging them, building a positive attitude, working on their growth mindset, helping them see themselves as capable, intelligent achievers.

You’ve to teach them to pull themselves up, brush off the failure and move on.

If you can teach your child all this, believe me you’ve got a winner in the house.

Hey, I’m Gomati Sekhar Ghosh, a writer, blogger. And also a veteran, educator and solopreneur.

I enjoy writing about the lessons learnt over the years in the different roles. I mostly explore themes based on parenting, children, and personal development.

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