Tips for Enhancing Parent-Child Bond through Active Engagement

“Are you listening to what I’m saying?”

“You don’t listen to anything I say!”

Sounds familiar, isn’t it?

Well, it’s an integral part of most interactions between a parent and child.

Neither is wrong in feeling exasperated at not being heard; yet neither is doing what’s needed to be done to be heard, to be understood.

Why is it that this gap remains unbridged even though parents are the ones who know their child intimately?

Why are the children not able to understand what’s being conveyed to them by their parents?

This constant bickering and feeling unheard is a major reason for unpleasantness in families.

Understanding the Communication Gap

It all begins with you not being an active listener. Yes, YOU — the parent.

If you don’t practice active listening, can’t expect you to teach your child the same effectively.

One of the biggest reasons for the communication gap is the inability to accept children growing up, that they too have opinions and ideas. This reality upsets the balance where you were in control of every decision of theirs.

This leads to mismatched communication styles. Language and perspectives get impacted. But that’s the beauty of being a parent — you get to grow with them, learn new things, see their world through them.

Another reason for not being an active listener is because you’re distracted. It can be your work, which you carry home. Or that you’re tired after the long day and need some downtime. Totally justified. But you are a parent; no breaks there!

Also, if you haven’t grown up in a family where open communication was encouraged, you will find it difficult to practice and implement the same in your family.

Practicing Active Listening

Active listening is not when you let the words pour out of the other person without them making any connection with you.

It’s about being empathetic and understanding. If neither of you is trying to understand what the other is saying, the whole exercise of talking to each other goes futile.

When you are involved in the interaction, try to understand what’s being told instead of jumping in with your two bits of wisdom. Use the time to go deep and see where it’s coming from. Pay attention to the said, and the unsaid.

Next, be present. Those indifferent “Okay”s or nods are not helping matters. The speaker deserves your undivided attention and you must give it. You can show you’re listening when you’re able to engage in the conversation. Ask questions, provide feedback, give suggestions, engage with them and show you’re interested.

You’re a parent, I get it. But it doesn’t mean you have to pass a judgment every time. Resist that urge and put in the effort to first try and understand their point of view.

Remember all those leadership workshops where they stressed on the importance of body language? Well, use it here. Your body language shows how engaged you are in the conversation. If you appear distracted or disinterested, you’ve just widened the gap between the both of you.

You also need to be attentive to the body language displayed by your child. It will give you an insight about what’s going on inside their minds. As an adult in the interaction, use your experience to be prepared for what’s to come.

To get a better grasp of what your child is saying, or trying to say, ask open ended questions. This allows the child to elaborate the answers, helping them to get clarity. It also improves their own thinking, and many a times helps them to see the unreasonableness of their stance. You’ll be able to guide them without the “Just do what I am telling you to do!”

It is not possible to have long drawn conversations daily, what with the tight time schedules are lives run on. So make active listening a part of your interaction time during meal times or bedtime or family time. Use that time together to have meaningful conversations or reflective discussions. Give your uninterrupted attention to your child.

Conclusion

Active listening helps you develop a strong foundation for your relationship with your child through effective communication. It’s about nurturing a relation based on trust and connection.

It’s not something that will happen overnight. But instead must be nurtured and developed over the years.

The time you spend now building this will reap benefits in the future when your child grows up. The child will be confident of you listening to what they have to say, will seek your guidance without feeling unheard.

Active listening will strengthen the bond between you, creating a supportive environment, where both of you participate in interactions, not arguments.

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