2016: Hopes and Plans
Like so many people these days, I haven’t made any New Year’s resolutions. As much as they are made with the best intentions, I’m yet to meet anyone who sticks with them. Particularly as they have a tendency to revolve around exercising more, eating or drinking less, or giving up some vice. All such resolutions tend to result in failure for most people.
This is the third year now in which I have taken a different approach. I now set myself four aims, four things to achieve by the end of 31 December each year, which are measurable and not over-dependent upon other people. Then, as the months move along, I review where I am with each: if I have achieved any ahead of schedule, I’ll add other smaller aims.
I actually started to do this to help me with my depression and anxiety. Too often in recent years I’ve bemoaned that my life is boring, that I don’t get out enough and feel lonely, lost and pretty much a failure. Through previous therapy, I had developed a tool which focused on different aspects of my life, and how happy I was in each. This led to prioritising areas in which to make changes, and then to ideas about what I needed to do to make the improvements. My target-setting is an evolution of that. It’s quite normal for one change to affect different parts of my life simultaneously, so rather than sit and draw the chart I used to, I now just think of four big things I want to achieve in the next twelve months.
Sharing these aims is also key because, as those of you who have experienced depression will know, motivation can be very difficult. By putting my objectives out there, it means other people can periodically ask me about my progress, or remind me about what I had planned, and directly or indirectly give me the occasional push I will inevitable need. It also means that I do not want to let those people down, giving me an extra motivation.
So, here are my four main goals for the coming twelve months.
1) Move to a new job
I’m sure many of you have read my ‘I hate my job’ or ‘I have no money’ tweets. I don’t actually hate my job, but I certainly do not feel particularly fulfilled. It’s my first job where I have sat in front of a computer all day, and I have to admit I find it dull. Ironically, I’m actually fairly good at my job, and it is a challenge. But it’s not a job where I go home feeling pride in what I have done, and for me that is pretty important in a job. Also, as I work for an outsourcing company, my wages are considerably less than I could potentially be earning, but to get the better-paid jobs I would have to travel a fair distance or even move to another part of the country, or even to Wales (I have no issue with Wales, but I’m not yet ready to move that far away from London). Living alone means I have a lot of financial responsibility, and in my current income that means the biggest sacrifice I have to make is my social life. As someone who enjoys the company of others, that’s not ideal.
I’ve learned a lot about what I want in a job, and have begun applying for roles which fit the bill. Not having a degree can to some extent be a stumbling block, but not always, and I’m confident I will find a suitable roles. For the first time in my adult life, I feel willing and able to aim higher than I have done in the past, to allow myself the best opportunities possible.
2) Learnt to drive
This one may actually be very dependent upon the first. I have been doing overtime in recent months to raise the fund for driving lessons, but as always household needs plus Christmas have taken priority. Now there is the realistic prospect that overtime will end, plus I need a new suit for interviews! So while I may be able to have ten lessons sometime after February, by the end of April the funds may have dried up.
However, learning to drive is becoming a major need of mine. And I do mean a ‘need.’ I’m fairly isolated in this little corner of southeast London, and I don’t really get the opportunity to travel around. There is a level of independence that comes with mobility that I think will do me a world of good. Plus, I’m 35: it’s about time I did it.
3) Tandem Skydive
This was an idea I had last year, when thinking about how I can really push myself outside my comfort zone, as well as conquer a fear and raise some money for a good cause. I actually have a fear of falling from heights, which stems from a nightmare I had as a very young child. Again, through past therapy and an understanding of why I place limits on myself, I know that a good way to build self-esteem and self-confidence is to do something that would really make yourself proud. Jumping out of a plane will certainly do that for me! I also believe in the idea that doing something that gets the heart pumping every day is good for your health.
So later in the year, once I have enough sponsors, I will book a jump. The money will go partially towards the cost of the jump, and the remainder to Mind UK. As you might guess, I have a strong passion for mental health, and organisations like Mind need a lot of investment to be able to support the huge number of us who have a variety of issues. I can’t think of a better way to help them than by being a positive example to others.
4) Go on a date
Okay, I admit, this may seem like it is actually very reliant upon other people, but the core idea is that I need to muster up the confidence to actually ask someone out. I’ve been single for five years now, and save for one date in that time, I’ve pretty much friend-zoned everyone I’ve been attracted to. There are of course deep personal reasons for that, but again, I have be a tendency to hide behind those rather than take a chance. This year, I have to just bite the bullet and go for it, and deal with the result afterwards. Just once. That’s not a hugely taxing target, so should be achievable. I just have to remember to stay away from straight guys this time…
So there you have it. Four aims, pretty large in their potential effect on my life, but fairly small in terms of what I have to do to achieve them. Only one of them may prove difficult should one of the others not fall into place, but that will ultimately be down to my own drive and determination. So, as the weeks and months till by, please feel free to ask me how I’m doing, and if you’re interested in helping in anyway, I will always be grateful for the support.
If reading this has inspired you to take a similar approach, please let me know. It always gives me great pleasure to know when I’ve had a positive effect on someone else. And if I can help you achieve your own goals in any way, please ask.