A Change of Seasons

A beautiful sunrise when I was out for a run earlier in the week.

I’ve come to realise recently that this time of year, with the change in weather, the clocks going back and the darker days, is always difficult for me. Andrew pointed out that in the whole time that we’ve known each other (10 years!) I’ve never been at my most positive in the dark winter months. I’m not going to lie and I say it regularly at this time of year, I hate winter. I usually start to lose the circulation in my hands and feet in late September and battle with this until around March. I am a cold person, I get cranky when the cold gets into my bones and I REALLY struggle to get out of bed and feel awake at any time.

So this year I’m recognising this and trying everything I can to prevent a complete relapse of my depression. I take a lot of vitamin c, the lovely Carmen at my knitting group has loaned me a SAD lamp which I use at my desk, we now have Hue light bulbs in the bedroom which wake us up with the light in the morning, I take vitamin D, I am exercising, eating healthily (mostly) and trying to utilise positive self talk. And I’m still feeling rubbish, which is hard. I don’t expect miracles, but I’ve had more bad days in the last 2 or 3 weeks than I have had in a long time. I am tired all the time, I am getting headaches and migraines again and my concentration is shot. So I am off to see my GP next week to discuss it with her and have come to the conclusion that I may need to take an increase in the dosage of my Sertraline. I am conflicted about this as I know it’s a massive step for me to recognise that this may be the most helpful thing for me but the negative voice in my head keeps telling me that it’s a failure. I want to work towards coming off my tablets eventually, so I don’t want to put up the dosage. But if it helps keep me sane in the dark months then I’ll do it, I’m currently willing to do anything to try and help improve my mood.

Last night was a wonderful remedy though as we went to see Ross Noble’s Brain Dump stand up show in Glasgow and I was crying with laughter 5 minutes in. His nonsensical chat is just what I need at the moment. And I could never have imagined being able to do this earlier in the year. Apparently a dirty version of the Shipping Forecast is just what I needed!

So I’m going to keep up all of the above (well I unfortunately can’t go to see Ross Noble every week) and see what the GP says and hopefully I’ll have my cheeriest winter yet!