Generosity vs Grandiosity

Before I acknowledged that I was a compulsive debtor, I wasn’t tuning in to how my tendency to be grandiose fuels the beast.

I’ve always loved being that one that would plan parties, send gifts or pick up the tab.

It’s an exercise in humility to show up and be loving, without being able to make those outward gestures.

It’s a tricky balance.

Last week for Valentine’s Day, I wanted to show the love to a few close ones. I wanted to bunches of cute little things… chocolates, music, bath bombs, and on and on.

Part of the ‘poverty mentality’ is telling yourself that you can’t give gifts anymore and how tragic that is.

But the impatient side and the grandiose side want to way beyond. Throw caution and the thought of actual money to the wind. And just buy whatever, immediately!

I settled on tiny gifts for a few people. A tiny chocolate bar for one. A set of 3 bath bombs for another.

I’m learning how to feel generous in spirit, while being friends with my current reality. Figuring out the difference between generous and grandiose is a daily practice, one decision at a time.