I am an entrepreneur and leader, I fail a lot more than most people. I do a lot of different things, sometimes some of that failure is really painful. Yesterday, I was talking with a manager in one of the top sillicon valley companies, and he was asking me questions that were touching my failures and pains.
As I was talking to him I was creating an image in my mind about those failures, as I was talking to him about the road that I traveled. I was feeling the pain as I was speaking to him, I am pretty sure he was noticing my pain.
I generally am a positive person, but when I am reminded of my failures sometimes I get angry at myself and don’t know how to control that. It shows up in my conversation I have with other people.
So the call finished and I had a hard time waking up in the morning. I woke up at 5:30 am as usual, but I was thinking about my failures and conversation I had with the Manager. I did not know how to deal with my pain. I called some people at 5:30 am, and tried to distract my brain, but the pain was there.
It is really hard to deal with this kind of pain. But you also have to have the strength to deal with these pain head on.
Understanding Pain:
What is a mental pain? Mental pain often has to do with our unmet expectation. Something happened in our life that we did not expect. Maybe it was the circumstances or maybe it was the fault of our own. But it is a fact we failed, we had to fire people, some people hated us, our customers were not happy.
How to Deal with Mental Pain 101?
1. Recognize the pain, Identify what it is? Why is it there? Write it out, i.e. I failed in my startup, I had to fire people etc….Because I did not think it through…because I think I was a loser…etc…
2. Recognize the Now moment: Take 10 deep breath and after every breath repeats these words:
I am living in now, not the past, how can improve today, focus on the breath.
3. Boost your moral: Think about 3 great accomplishment in your life and say, if I could tolerate all this pain, it will all worth it
4. Focus on the positive: This is easier said than done, but not letting your inner critic to punish you…shut him down. Reward yourself for punishing your inner critic.
5. Pray, Meditate: It is always great to believe in a higher power, it makes you grounded, it helps you reach your highs because you always know there is a higher power.
6. Do something good: Help a homeless, Volunteer, donate your shoes or jackets…help someone today…astonishing how that boost your moral. I found helping others to be an ultimate reward to self and it gives you a sense that you are a useful part of the society
7. Exercise: Go to gym, swim, do something physical, your brain creates endorphin this way
8. Focus on Today, Try to make your life better today, set goals you can do and do
9. Close your eyes and imagine you have achieved your ultimate dream, you bought a house you wanted, you got your Car, You have a beautiful life and amazing career. Now open your eyes and say I will get there, I will get there, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, in 5 years I will get there and I will take steps that help achieve my goals and dream.
10. Write down your goals and why you want to achieve them and remind yourself that of everyday and everytime you face the pain.
11. Get Focused on your Goals and Results: Imagine a horse race, do you think if the hourses who don’t wear blinders can win a race? Wear a blinder. Stay focus on the prize and you can forget about the pain easier.
12. Be happy:
Let’s face it you and I and our pains and failures and we will be whipped off the earth, so why carry this baggage with us. Think about your pains as a 20lbs baggage that you have to carry with you, your body will get tired if you have to carry it with you for few hours. Leave it where it came from and move on. Life is too short.
Call your mom and dad your sister, and brother, they are the best supporters usually.
13. Just Do it (Nike) You can do it, create a thick skin. If you are someone like me that do a lot of things you will fail a lot too and you will feel the pain sometimes. Remember the pain is there to remind you the value of happiness and to guide toward success.
14. Bonus: Remind yourself that the fact that you are even breathing at this moment is series of failures. Your mom and dad screwed up on the Christmas day and many genes didn’t align the they should, but some did and you were created. The probability of you being you is 1/10²⁴⁰⁰⁰⁰⁰⁰ . That is the biggest number I have ever seen…bigger than all the known atoms in the universe.
So now I want you to be proud of yourself and your accomplishment and don’t petty yourself even for a minute.
Go live like a champion and make a great impact and there are so many beautiful things in the world you are one of them.
Thanks for reading this piece. I feel much better now myself, hope you too.
