Is it time to encourage , say sorry or stop the clock?

Canary Wharf / gj/archives

Like hot buttered toast and a mug of tea the morning was already waiting for me. The mellow yellow of the sun dappled through the array of green. “What a beautiful morning”, I thought as the birds sang their songs.

What a welcome to the day, yet why was that nervous knot still in my stomach? My mind and feelings begin a dialogue with the mind saying to feelings , “ Yes I know it is Monday but why do we have to have this every Monday morning? ”

Feelings tends not to respond and does what it does , keeps feeling. Mind gives up knowing that in time feelings will move on. I am almost like an observer of both of them as my gaze is taken by the glory of the morning.

At lunch time while sitting in the library I check my emails on my phone. I notice that I have a response from a preacher I emailed the previous day. I had been watching a church service via livestream in the US ( Iam in the UK) and was touched by the stories the preacher told. I have a belief that if you are encouraged by someone tell them so I sent him an email telling him.

In his response he shared back how welcomed the email was as unbeknown to me a distraction had occurred in the service which he felt impacted on his delivery. That response told me a few things,

  1. Always encourage as you never know how much the person needs it, regardless of who they are
  2. How honest people can be without having to be, he needed to only say ‘thank you’ for the email though he by being honest encouraged me to keep encouraging people

In the afternoon I had another of my ‘communication masterclasses’. They seem to be coming frequently. I had an exchange with a friend, let’s call him Max, in which I felt ( there goes my friend feelings again) he had been dismissive of an email I had sent him. I reacted and then Max reacted and quickly we were in ‘ defensive communication’ which usually means both parties walk away disgruntled.

I am sitting recalling the words of an actor I met at a workshop a few months ago, “ If the interaction isn’t working between two actors we just stop and try it another way.” This actor was now teaching communication and was using such insights to aid folks in being more effective in their communication.

I was thinking , “ Why didn’t I just shout ‘Cut’ and start again” when Max came to me and said sorry. I have always to give credit to the person who makes the first move to make amends always feeling ( there he goes again) that I must get quicker at making the first move.

We took a little bit of ‘time out’ to look at why we ended up communicating as we did and I told him the insight of the actor. The insight is so true though ‘mind’ is good at knowing it but ‘feeling’ always takes his time.


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