There is an email sitting in my inbox with subject “woo this woman.” It’s from me, to me, as a reminder to do something I’m fond of doing: written overture to women I’ve never met. I don’t mean sending messages on dating websites or dating apps — though I tried that for a few years. I mean craigslist missed connections, Twitter DMs, and Facebook messages.

(Yes. I was one of the people willing to pay $1 to make sure the message didn’t end up in the “Other” folder. $1 seems a small price to invest in destiny.)

The woman in question is someone I found through a friend on Twitter. My friend doesn’t know her that well, so far as I can glean from context, and I don’t know her at all. I’ve never met her. We’ve never exchanged tweets, and she doesn’t follow me.

Now this friend of mine has taught me the ways of social network sleuthing — Facebook stalking, toggling advanced search features in public directories, that sort of thing. I use my skills of sleuthing for good, not evil. If I find this person I fancy on these sites, and find a way to send them a message, I do. But, it ends for me with that first message. I don’t follow up. I’m not a creeper. I’m a believer in romance of a kind that maintains self-respect and respect of the woman I fancy.

I’ve never gotten a response to these messages to strangers. That’s okay. That’s not the point. The point is to take a courageous step toward a possible future with this person in my life. Sometimes, it requires literal steps — like that time I ran after a woman. Often, it requires improbable coincidences — like that time I found myself in the same Metro car as a woman two days in a row. Every time, I’m using written communication to reach out and ask the woman out. As I’ve written before, I’d rather do that in an email, than on a dating site.

Anyway, back to the woman at hand. I’ve been reading her tweets from the past several months, and I’m crushing hard. Is it possible to be like “K, I’m going to marry this person” from their tweets? The problem is that Facebook got rid of that “make sure this non-friend sees your message” feature. LinkedIn — I know, using LinkedIn for this purpose is laughable, but this ridiculousness is my M.O. — won’t let you send messages to a 3rd-level connection.

I’ve got no way to send this woman a message directly, so I’m here. I wanted to try an open letter. If for no other reason than my need to be hopeful and pull myself from the fear that I won’t ever find anyone as an introverted home-body Millennial who has exhausted and been emotionally crushed by all online means of meeting someone romantically. So, here goes…

Hey Terri,

You’re a wonk — I’m a wonk — but both of us are nearing the end of a public policy program wanting nothing to do with public policy. I’m focused on music, journalism, and making my new talk show a success. You’re out in LA and you’ve tweeted marquees of great films, are you looking to get into entertainment?

You’ve said you dance and sing as well. I should mention now that I’m a pretty decent dancer, but the best voice I can give you is an off-key Bryan Adams ballad. If you play anything by James Taylor, I will proceed to blow your socks off. Would you be willing to be my Carole King?

Your handle is a pretty obscure blackjack reference and you grew up in a flyover state — did you play lots of card games as a kid?

You boast a skill of extra sensory perception. I promise to approach that with as little skepticism as possible. When did you first start sensing the ability? Can you feel the self-doubt I’m suppressing right now as I write a surely random public letter to you, a stranger living across the country?

Loved your MC Skat Kat/Paula Abdul reference. I forget how weird the early days of live-action animation were — or that Paula Abdul was a respected musician before American Idol….

Sorry about the guy who cut in front of you in that checkout line. What did he look like? I’ll fly out and see if he comes back to the same store…show him to respect a lady.

Your flavor of optimism about relationships — despite the frustrations you share — is refreshing. I agree that generalizations by gender hurt dating culture.

I can’t believe you took a mirror selfie with a tablet, but thanks for disliking selfies as much as I do.

Earthquakes may indeed be the most action some of us get sometimes. I LOL-ed.

You love the em dash — so do I. See what I did there?

You’ve said that you worry about marrying a man who wouldn’t consider planning a romantic treasure hunt for you. Well, how’s this for a first move?

I’d love to get your response to this, if you ever read it. My email is galexanderchaffin@gmail.com

Cheers,

Gordon Chaffin

P.S. This letter contains references to far more recent tweets than the full volume of those I’ve read. Consider that the only restraint I can offer in the face of overwhelming desire to favorite something adorable you tweeted 6 months ago.