So I’m not exactly sure how to say or word the feeling that ive had since i got you back … like, I keep asking myself ‘how do i put this mystery feeling that I have deep down in my stomach’ into words and even begin to express what I’ve truly been feeling … And before you start panicking or i continue explaining myself, it’s not a bad feeling it’s just, an UKNOWN & UNFAMILIAR feeling that I’ve NEVER experienced in my life before which Is weird cause I’ve felt a lot of different ways but never like this … idk it’s almost like i feel like im dreaming & imma wake up soon & itll all be over but then i remember this is really reality and its ok to just feel speechless (in the best possible way), about being here & with you, & us starting fresh… you & I baby, no looking back … it all feels so surreal honestly, I keep having to make sure it ain’t a dream lol 8 years was a long time to be apart but we have the rest of our lives together so what’s 8 years compared to a lifetime? He’ll nothing, and like weve been saying all night, everything happens for a reason & all the training & preperation, & learning, both caunceously & subcaunceosly, that both of us went through over the past 8 years; And don’t even try to deny that you didn’t learn anything cause I whole heartedly believe that BOTH of us experienced, different, but EQUALLY IMPORTANT & LIFE CHANGING experiences. Like shit that would traumatize a bitch and make a person forget about love forever. Like legit, In less than 2 months, ive experienced shit, both intentional (self-induced, conceously made the decision) and unintentional (situations I had absolutely no control over), that have made me go from this dumb & nieve GIRL who loved and trusted EVERYONE, this little lost soul that couldn’t find her own feet & ground them but i kept moving forward in life despite spending most of my days with my head in the clouds. I was easily manipulated and believed pretty much anything that came out of your mouth because I had such a out & honest heart that I genuinely believed EVERYONE had some sort of good in them, no one can possibly be nothing but evil, I was determined to bring the light out in every last soul I crossed paths with, no matter how dim the light shined. He’ll when other people saw nothing but darkness, I refused to believe it & always looked for SOMETHING, ANYTHING to hold onto but one day, that girl and her little heart of gold turned into cold stone. Took me loosing it all and sacraficing my family before i finally started seeing the truth & the reality that i had been in for so long. i started realizing things I had no intentions or desire of realizing, all of a sudden, when she had nothing left to give except her body, and emotions if someone, ANYONE, would give a fuck … but no ine did so she was left to make her own way & cut her own path. People who i called family my entire life, my own blood, turned against me and gainged up to make up lies & distort what little truth they actually knew about my current situation in life but it wasnt long before she took her little rusty scissors and cut the last of the strings, the strings that hurt the most to saw through with that dull blade …. But I had no choice, it was time to let go of EVERY PERSON, PLACE, AND THING that I had been associating with, including all family…. It only took me a day to move on as if nothing had happened, as if i was fine & really i was. I had no choice but to be because my life was taking me in a certain direction that I can’t even begin to explain why or exactly where I was even headed. All I was worryed about was where my next meel & bed was going to come from & even that didnt seem to fully break me i guess, i handled being put out by own blood & ending up homeless, struggling to survive let alone stay sober but I found a way, and I made the best of what situation I had left, I always find a way.. nobody is able to change my mind and stop me, especially if you tell me no I’m definitely going get the challenge some but twice as quick just to prove a point. Anyways, I managed out of a hotel for a few days, bouncing back & forth between north and south Colorado Springs until I finally was able to book a few nights in a row; got myself situated & comfortable (well, as much as possible for being homeless & in a motel), I learned to call wherever my bags were home, and my heart learned that loneliness was my new family time … no one to talk to, just me & my thought except the occasional soul you would cross paths with outside while smoking a cigarette but you never exchanged anything more than a slight crooked smile, not a single word spoken nor heard. This lonelyness was unlike any I had experienced before. It was so sad and beyond depressing, I had never felt so empty, no one kiss & holy right at night, no one to share a morning coffee & smoke with, no one to exchange any kind of emotional support… for the first time EVER in my life I had no one, I was completely alone on my own & I wasn’t sure what i was doing or going next in life. My whole life had minimalized down to an hour by hour basis.