Did you just assume my gender?!

I’d like to begin by stating that this piece is not a transphobic rant. I am not protesting transgender people, nor am I trying to push a prejudice agenda. I am all for people living their lives freely, but what I am not for is people getting into trouble over such nonsense as honestly and accidentally addressing someone with the “wrong pronoun”.

I really feel that we need to steer away from this PC bollocks, where people are being penalised for calling a sir who wants to be a madam, a sir. Don’t get me wrong, I firmly believe that you are well within your rights to identify yourself as being whatever the hell you want; just know that simply waking up one day and deciding that you want to swap over to the other side doesn’t make it obvious to the rest of the world, nor does it make it so.

If someone is being a dick then yea, I get it, but otherwise; get the fuck over yourself. The world doesn’t owe you any favours.

I just read an article about a teacher who applauded a group of his female students, or rather one was his…male student? I dunno, whatever she/he was (it was an all girls school) for getting an answer correct. “Well done, girls!” — I bet you can’t guess what happened next!

Yep, of course the teacher is now under investigation because the parents of said student were outraged by the teachers evident lack of insight, despite instantly apologising for the harmless blunder. I mean come on, was this not covered in his PGCE? Is this guy really fit to teach? DISGRACEFUL I SAY!

And what about the Canadian Mother/Father/Parent/Person who decided on their baby’s behalf that they were going to be gender fluid? (Because apparently a newborn child shouldn’t have the burden of gender forced upon them despite the fact that they were born with a penis) I mean…come on, are we really adhering to this bullshit? Are we actually going to allow this to happen? That poor child…

Just because the parent has gender dismorphia, are we genuinely going to allow them to force it upon their own? That’s the most fucked up thing I’ve ever heard. Let our children be what they are and if they decide otherwise later on down the line when they’re old enough to understand/give a fuck; then good luck to them!

And again; please, please, please do not misinterpret this article as being an attack on the LGBT community. It is not! Do NOT assume my intentions, my intentions are my own and if you misinterpret them then you are wrong and you should feel bad about that. Was that too subtle d’ya think? Am I making my point?

Because the point that I am actually trying to make is that we can’t always get what we want. BOOOO! Unfortunately, some people are born male, when they’ed rather be female (and vice versa) It’s not ideal, but that’s life.

And if that is the hand that you’ve been dealt, I can’t even begin to imagine what that must feel like and I truly do sympathise with you — all of my smarmy sarcasm aside; I mean that with the utmost sincerity.

What I will say however, is that you do need to do away with this pretentious, high-horse bullshit. Just because you’ve decided that you are the opposite gender; or both; or neither; it doesn’t mean that you’ve all of a sudden transcended the tether of ignorance and become some superior being who understands how the universe works — and anyone who is unable to see it through your eyes is a mean-spirited dickhead who should be ashamed of themselves.

It’s frustrating, I get it. Come to think of it, there are things that I’d like to change about myself, all of which I’ve had to come to terms with. For example, I am a bald man. I will always be a bald man (though I’ve never identified myself as being a bald man) and yet low and behold my hair won’t stop falling out and so; I am a fuckin’ bald man. I don’t like it, but it is what it is.

And do you know what? I’ve never made anybody feel bad for recognising me as being bald, because despite what I want, that’s what I am and I don’t presume the rest of the world to be blind or fucking stupid either.

I could wear a wig and hope that everyone else will humour me and pretend that I have hair, but again…you can’t always get what you want! Don’t expect the whole world to tip toe around you just in case you get your feelies hurt! It’s not all about you, my love.

In fact, the truth is that nobody actually really gives a shit. We’re all far too wrapped up in our own lives to worry about whether or not you are Genderless, Androgyne, Bigender, Genderqueer, Non-binary, Gender bender, Hijra, Pangender or just genderally fucking weird. Just be yourself and if someone bullies you for it; then you can kick up a stink and piss n’ moan about it and we’ll deal with them accordingly.

And that’s the thing…I will not tolerate bullies. I’ve nothing against anyone, unless of course they’re being a dickhead. I’m under no illusions that there are some terribly spiteful and poisonous people out there who can be hurtful.

But should a teacher really be under investigation for calling his formerly female, newly male student a girl by mistake? Should we have gender neutral baby’s who can’t even fuckin hold their own heads up?

Just accept that you’re different, there’s no shame in that. You can be whatever on earth you want to be, just don’t presume the rest of us not to assume you for what you bloody are!

As it happens we humans have a knack for pattern recognition and as far as I’m concerned: broad shoulders, big hands, Adam’s apple, deep voice and a penis…yep, that’s textbook bloke.

If you want to change that then do whatever you can to do so, and good luck to you. People should definitely be respectful of that, but just don’t get your arse in your hands when somebody makes a genuine mistake by calling you sir, when you want to be a madam.