Adventures in ADD pt 2> Might just have cost me my job
I can actually feel it when I start to drift. There’s a fuzziness around the back of my head, I defocus; my eyes are staring forwards, my mind is blank. It’s peaceful but there’s a hint of disquiet, like I’m trying to move but can’t.
When I was a kid, I suffered night terrors, that moment when you think you’re awake but your body is frozen. This is a little like that, just without the fear part. I’m zoned out to the point where fear doesn’t even happen.
I imagine that some time in the future there will either be a cure, or people with this ability will be in great demand. Perhaps there’s a story in there somewhere? For now, there’s a big problem.
One common issue people with ADD experience is a misunderstanding of their present position. I thought I was going okay. But I wasn’t by any stretch.
I remember one time this happened at School. A year nine test went south in a huge way. I thought I’d done fine. I was sent to the school counsellor. She didn’t have a clue what to do. I didn’t know. My parents didn’t know. We all muddled through.
And that’s what’s happened here. I thought things were improving. But no they weren’t. Not by any stretch. This has been creeping up for years now, and only worsened in the last twelve months. It’s worsened to the point where my boss has been forced to take action. And he’s a kind and decent man who’s thrown me one final lifeline, which will at the very least keep me and my cat fed. But it won’t pay the rent.
One of the things that makes things worse for me is high stress, and there’s little more stressful than moving. All right, perhaps living in Syria being bombed. So I’m experiencing a very first world problem.
Subjectivity doesn’t help though.
I will survive. I have some initial plans. I’ll be upset tonight. But I’ll get through it. Because I’ve been here before.