I’m just another in the sea of faces. 3R•HUT®
*so I decided to get this down while doing a ton of dishes to the tunes of skintight by Eazi and Efya about an hour back and considering they were a ton I literally just got done with them
It’s 12:40, noontime, Eazi still on repeat and it’s weird when all the beef surrounding him is on heat right now and I pick this time to listen to this song, that just pretty much wraps where this is going.
This is more of Roth’sRandomRamblings with a little mix of Herunseenthoughts. That one hour spent fondling dishes of different forms and feels dawned a lot of realisations in me, don’t sweat it I’ll tell you about them, Ahan that’s why I’m putting this down in the first place na.
Like how I’ve been putting off writing down so many thoughts and ideas that spring up when I’m in that same position of sink sanitation thus spreading like the wild fire that it usually is.
I’m not good with time limits, I don’t like it at all, you put a particular time frame to an activity wether it’s what I hate or worse still what I really love. 🖤damn; you’ve really killed it for me.
Ever since I joined this awesome library I’ve never been so bad at reading like I am now . if you know me well you’ll know how much I love to read, I have the 12+ apps to prove it now this same problem has affected my writing, phone beeps every morning by 7am with an app telling me it’s time to write and that alone turns me off.
I guess when I tell people I’m not a planner or a promiser but just a spontaneous being, I really and truly I’m being sincere.
My mind is running ahead and also away from me, but I’m gon push through.
Don’t spend so much time inhibiting yourself from that which you feel you should do, that which you feel you should blare out just because someone that knows you or family even will trash you for that, never do that ‘cause if you do you see yourself being sixty and feeling like a stupid sissy.
As much as I seem like an enigma to a lot of people I really don’t like to be seen as one, yeah I laugh when I get that but really I’d rather be just like everyone else, off late I’ve been coming to a lot of realisations and to be honest I’m tired of realising these things. Now I just wanna breathe, I just wanna be and if I can I just wanna let go!
I’ve thought so much about the way things go, the things I do, the things I don’t do and the things I’ll like to do and also not do. I wonder why I can be a soul who draws people, one who laughs with people, one who spends time with people you’ll swear that’s what I do on a daily and for a living if I could but then again I turn around and be that one who spends days avoiding people, what am I even saying, I spend time avoiding myself. Take today 14•9•17 I’ve spent minutes on my phone staring at the chats and not opening any, not that I’m avoiding the happiness it will exude out and spillover on me more like I don’t want to, no not right now.
Right now, today? I just wanna breathe, just wanna be off, be alone if possible find that slice of nature and get lost in it.
I’m not a fan of the fact that I contradict myself physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually too but I don’t let this weigh me down much I just use it to my advantage, yes sometimes like now I think about it but then I get over it. That’s not strength that’s just a decision well made and swiftly kept to.
In need of deep cleansing. I’m going to stop here now. It’s an hour again and not only do I have to go and make lunch but also if I go on I’d just keep going on and on. Curtain gotta drop yo. I’d do this again soon. I’ll spill my guts, I’ll lay parts of me bare cause I just wanna not cause I want y’all to see it nah I don’t roll that way. But before I let go I’ll do this;
Sights for seeing,
See beyond, stare beneath
Unearth that which is hidden
Hearts for feeling,
Bear the pain, let of the shame
Fame is not what but deceiving
Do this all
Over and over
Until you don’t anymore
And when you don’t, know then
You don’t exist anymore
Over and over
You see you