How I overcame depression & suicidal thoughts
Depression. The thing about depression is that there is no map; it’s a maze that’s different for each person and it rearranges itself with every other thought. You can spend your entire life in the maze & learn how to survive - even thrive - in it but you never truly escape. We have all been depressed at some point of time in our lives ,however, the stigma attached to mental illness is unreal. Speaking on a personal level, when I had flunked in one of my subjects I was feeling suicidal. The anxiety took a toll on my mental health and anxiety is a jet engine that blasts you in the face and at terrible volumes. It keeps you from the world & every interaction is a fight. A year later, when my college results came which confirmed that I will be getting the academic scholarship, I was feeling suicidal. The contrast between these two is incredible but I somehow didn’t opt myself in the way to suicide.
I had strong urges to suicide because of a childhood story but three anonymous guys on reddit saved me from ending my life. I decided to look for solutions on reddit & I suddenly bumped into one of the threads which had three guys discussing about various solutions regarding mental illness. I decided to initiate a conversation there & the fact that I am alive today is because of that very conversation. During depression, you're fighting an invisible war. It's a slow war and eventually you become a veteran. It's a powerful gravity, depression. It's like a spinning black hole in your brain. It intrudes & It warps the world & tells you lies. It's like a force of nature, you didn't create it but it exists.
But if you're still here, you're stronger than those who have never felt it's pull. Because you have to be. It's existence is not your fault. If you've survived today, you can survive tomorrow and, over time, your grip on it will become stronger until it fits square in your hand. Under tight reign.
You might want to end your life just like I wanted to but if you decide to talk it out, you will be setting an example for people out there that mental illness is not invincible at all. It's difficult & I know it better than anyone but we have to deal with our problems somehow; look out for things which give you happiness. It might be playing games on PC, playing with your dog or hanging out with your friends. What worked in my case was talking to three anonymous guys on reddit who talked me out of it without me knowing it & I suddenly realize that they have given me a second life. I realized that money, fame or power cannot buy you happiness just like it didn't in Chester Bennington's case but a dog waiving off his tail with affection certainly can.
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