Life Games

Do you dream of quitting your job, even if things are going quite well? Do you fantasize about doings something totally different, perhaps changing careers, moving cities or just taking a break? And have you been marinating on this possibility for years, unsure of how to act?

If so, I’d like to offer a simple framework that might help you find some clarity. This has been a hit in my social circle, which largely comprises late-20s & mid-30s professionals in successfully good careers, but nearly all afflicted by a pandemic of dissatisfaction, decision paralysis, anxiety and general “meh-ness”. Admittedly, the framework I lay out here isn’t mine and came to me via my friend Rohith Salim, but I take the liberty of laying it out here because it might help a reader or two.

Here it goes. There are six games that one can play in their lives:

1. Mission: The pursuit of a purpose greater than oneself. Classic examples — social workers following a moral calling, or entrepreneurs in pursuit of a vision they care for.
2. Mastery: The endeavor to hone a craft, either to become great at it or simply because you enjoy doing it. Classic examples — open source contributors or musicians who’d do what the do even in their free time.
3. Autonomy: The desire to be in control of one’s own decisions or schedule. Classic example — those who start businesses because they abhor being told what to do.
4. Stability: A preference for predictability over one’s time or schedule. Classic example — a 9–5 office goer who prioritizes personal time over chasing that promotion.
5. Influence: A drive to exert influence over a wider group of people. Classic examples — a politician, influencer or even manager who seeks to have an impact on other people’s lives.
6. Money: The quest for making money, be it by choice or by compulsion. Classic example — anybody who’s sticking with their current job only for the paycheck.

The thesis is as follows:

• Discontentment also stems from playing different games from the ones you believe you should be playing
• Discontentment stems from seeking to win at more than two games, and feeling disappointed when you inevitably fail at any one
• Winning at more than two games for long periods of time is difficult for most people

The prescription is to do one of the following:

• Become self-aware about which games you’re currently playing, and which games you wish to play in the long run
• In your immediate future, let go of worry that stems from suffering losses at unimportant games. For example, if you’re in a job for the money and stability, don’t lose too much sleep when your boss calls you out in a meeting and restricts your perceived influence.
• If your current and future games don’t align, first recognize that life is a marathon and not a sprint. Then start bending the arc of your career in the direction you want, be it by interviewing for a different job or learning about a new industry .

An added advantage of this framework, I’ve found, is that you can learn a lot about a person by discovering which games they’re either accidentally or intentionally playing. This can come handy in everything from your personal relationships, or in your choice of who to work with.

A caveat before we part ways — I know this framework isn’t exhaustive and might not address every nuance. But the goal of mental models is to simplify reality to help us understand ourselves better and make smarter life choices.

Did you find this helpful? If so, I’d love to hear about which bits resonated. I enjoy exploring psychology and sociology in my down time, and creating content adds to the fun, so your friendly ping would be encouraging!