Scared of losing my blinders

I feel like a horse running a race I don’t know the starting or ending point of. I’m running still. Hoping it’s a step towards a more meaningful life. Hoping these days will come to use at some point in my life. If not, the money will.

Money, it feels like is the sole fuel driving me in this race. Would it be inappropriate to say that? Why else am I not pursuing my pursuit of happiness. Why else am I not doing what I want to. I spend the entire day, entire month, procrastinating what I really want to do. Because this mediocrity gives me money and comfort both. I try to do a few of my entire list of to-dos and console myself of the best that I could do with the available time and mental resources.

This mediocrity makes me feel like I’m running on a ever spinning hamster wheel. It freaks me out how this comfort zone might hold me in this mediocre life and not let me live my dreams for the rest of my life.

I really want to break this rut. I’ve been avoiding office for a few days to ease myself by lying on not being a corporate slave.

But I am. And a slave to money. And to the mediocrity.

I know I am better than this. I know I meant for much bigger things in life. So starting right now, I am going to do what I want to do. Everyday. Without fail.

So we miss a few deadlines and not be available for work 24*7.

Let’s instead work on ourself. On our dreams. The work’s already in process. The ideation has happened. The framework is set. All we need to do is move forward. Slowly. Steadily.

Let’s see where we are a few months/ years later.

If nothing better, I’ll at least be a better dreamer.