One Single Word You Need to Thrive in Communications: Vulnerability
Vulnerability is hard.
It means demolishing all the walls you built through today to seem more confident, cool, attractive, professional.
Especially if you did everything correctly by the book and never disappointed the key contacts in your life, it will seem even more challenging.
But it's the only door you need to push to create a real human connection.
One simple fact to get you started:
Regardless of their titles, everyone hopes to be accepted for who they are, every single moment. No compliments or achievements are enough to feed this hunger.
Want to try this out yourself?
Complement someone you think as 'oh, he is so used to these compliments that it is definitely meaningless, like a C-Level in your company or a famous artist. Say a little thing like 'your shirt looks great on you' or 'your latest speech inspired me.' Catch the instant sparkle in his eyes. This experiment never goes old and always works.
However, vulnerability is even going deeper.
It's knowing by heart that both of you are forever incomplete and unsure of yourself. Understanding this hole within us and that showing even 1% of it is a massive game-changer in your communication skills.
This is how, as an introvert and psychology graduate, I mastered my communication skills.
People forever praise my communication skills, especially how well I work things out with people known as hard to communicate.
I have a deep passion for discovering human nature. Knowing one person more profound is knowing myself and all of us deeper. But the trick is if you want to learn an authentic thing about someone, you need to give the authentic information first.
This is even promoted as a technique for the salespeople, but again the trick is, being vulnerable only works if you do it by heart, without playing a game.
The communication secret is simple:
The more transparent you get from day one, the deeper your connection will be with your contact.
Warning: This is a no-cheating game.
Please do not try to confess that your house is in a mess or that you are wearing your husband's t-shirt. You have to open one sincere, emotional door to the other so that he also does the same.
You can measure if you have been vulnerable enough by checking your contact's reaction in their eyes. If you did the right thing, they are usually amazed.
Communication pros do not wait to be vulnerable; they naturally do it right away in the first contact time.
Confess that you suck at parenting. Confess that you still get nervous after the 1000th presentation of your life. Whatever is authentic and unique, a vulnerable feeling, just say it.
If you felt while reading this ‘‘ok, but I even don't know myself, my true feelings’’, it's a great start. Being vulnerable requires knowing yourself, your strengths and weaknesses before confessing it to someone else.
As a personal example, after years of suffering from social anxiety, shyness, and all synonyms, I now proudly tell everyone that I'm a healed introvert.
Being an introvert, needing lots of alone time, burning out quickly became a strength and even a much appreciated authentic detail about me once I began to confess it.
The reason you are afraid of being vulnerable is your fear of acceptance. But I assure you that ‘‘acceptance’’ is a very low standard about any relations. You want to be genuinely understood, loved by heart, admired. And for all these, openly sharing your vulnerability is vital. Otherwise, you are just accepted for an outer image you reflect, not the real you. It complicates your relationship both with yourself and others.
Next time you are just about to meet someone new, forget all the tricks you learned about good communication and just be brave enough to open your true self in the first place. You won't regret it.
