I don’t think I deserve to be loved.

When I’m loved, I contaminate those who love me. I have deep rooted issues with insecurity, trust, worthiness.

When I’m loved, the euphoria never lasts. After a peak, there needs to be room for a comedown. They start to take notice of my shortcomings. I get defensive over them. I want to quit before the heartbreak.

When I’m loved, I either hold on too tight or stay detached. What will I do this time? Cling harder so he doesn’t slip through my fingers like the last one or let him go now while its not too painful. I thought my second chance at this shit, I was gonna do everything right. Where did the fuck up happen this time.

From december til march i pretty much cried every night. then i found you and i thought i wouldnt ever cry again. this is my first time crying since march.

please don’t let this be the beginning to the end.