“Nothing changes if nothing changes”
“Do you want things to change or to be different?”
“People don’t often change the way we want them to and sometimes, they never do”
Three sayings we’ve probably heard, read, or experienced, but maybe it didn’t sink in or go deep enough. You heard it but didn’t think it through. You read it, but it stayed on the surface. You experienced it, and while waiting for change, you became discouraged and figured whatever you wanted to change was never going to happen.
Well, nothing changes if nothing changes. It means whatever it is stays the same. We wait for the evolution, but most likely it doesn’t happen because we haven’t done the work or made plans to change things in our lives or it has to do with someone you’re with, or that you live with. It’s hard mulling through daily chores or work that has to be done, making a living, and there’s so much to take care of, especially family. If you are single, you have the whole load. If you are a single parent with children, you have not only the whole load most times, but double duty. You might be beating your head against a wall and nothing gets through or takes the wall down. So, stop and if you do, the wall remains, but something has changed. YOU HAVE. If you want to move, plan to. If you need work, find a job. If you need to make time, fix your schedule. The best way to make changes is to listen, to yourself or to what another is telling you or acting out. You can hear more than you think you can in the silence, in the anger, and in the same old, same old when you step back, you don’t push, and you don’t beat your head against a brick wall.
To confuse you more — do you want things to change or to be different? Things don’t change unless we make a change and people don’t often change and if they do, it’s usually a waiting game. We wait for them to grow or mature or become more flexible. But ask yourself, what is it you want to be different? Is it something you have to do or someone else has to do, but hasn’t? We might not know what we want or how to change something. We may want someone to change, but actually we want them to do something different or better than they have been. I wanted to keep my marriage, but after almost twenty-seven years, nothing changed, only circumstances, and the heartaches became more frequent, as it became the same when I put in another eleven years in a different relationship. I wanted it to be different, less conflict, less uncaring and more loving, for it to go back to the way it was in the beginning with that heart full of hope and love wrapping you again in the beautiful way that it makes you blind, content, and full of promise. But only change could make it different. Different helps you to decide what to change. But if you’re working at changing someone, remember, people don’t often change like we want them to. Work at growing, being more mature about an issue or incident, and decide. Don’t wait to decide if you know what it is you want to be different and whether it can be or not. The differences you want will help you to make the right decisions.
I hope I haven’t frustrated you but given you some courage to grow, to listen, to decide, and figure out what you want to be different, and make a change. Whatever it is you need. You deserve to meet those needs and never let anyone tell you, decide for you, or make you believe that you don’t need something or that you don’t have any needs because they are blinded by their own. You are important, strong as the universe within you and around you, and you have courage even if you don’t feel that way. Believe it, own it, and trust yourself. I can’t say enough about the importance of trust and communicating, but that’s another article. A happy and wondrous New Year to all and to the new you.