Your post made me laugh. I read it like I would listen to a stand-op comedian who collected a bunch of real though stupid behaviors and presents them to his audience as a general reality. I know men can be stupid. I most probably threw a few silly things in myself. And laughing at me and my peers was some kind of a therapy. However, just between you and me, I heard some surprising reactions by women in my life, before, during and after making love. Women are not always brilliant either.
It might sound corny and old-fashioned but loving and having a loving person to enjoy sex with remains the best way to reduce the risks of an awkward statement ruining a pleasant moment. And should, despite the deep bond, one say something stupid, it will be more easily forgotten or, even better, will be the occasion a good laugh together.