I am sorry for you as well (I know how much it hurts and tears one’s heart apart) and am glad to read that you keep a safe distance.
Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is officially a mental issue since the 1968 edition of the DSM (the “bible” of mental health professionals). In addition, many books, sites and videos have been devoted to narcissists, and codependents aka people with Self-Love Deficiency (SLD), who are attracted to, stick with NPDs, fall prey to manipulation as well as to gas lighting, and often become their weapons par excellence.
However, to this date, very little has been said or done about the relations between NPDs, SLDs AND on the other hand “healthy people”, those who see the NPD’s games, uncover their lies, and refuse to be their slaves. For instance, in his book, a star psychologist mentions that non treated codependents in a love relationship with a healthy person will be haunted by semi-conscious ideas of not being enough, and in a self-fulfilling-prophecy attitude, will sabotage the relationship. Actually, they will go as far as to kick the beehive to make sure nobody ever gathers the honey — because they “+ or — think” they don’t deserve it — and then turn against their partner… Seems unbelievable doesn’t it? And it’s true.
I happen to think it is more common than we think, and that it may be an unrecognized mental public health issue. I would appreciate exchanging some observations and opinions with you. Medium allows authors to send e-mails to followers, would you accept to share your experience and read mine? If so make sure I can reach you. Thanks.
All the best. Take care.