HOW CAN I BE HER PROVIDER, IF SHE MAKES MORE THAN I DO?
How can I be her provider, if she makes more than I do? The question was bombarded by one of my college inmates when I collided him while I willfully attended and cheered up for my daughter’s Annual Sports Day. He sulked the whole evening. I simply told him I know my daughter is going to lead her sports team next year.
The question still lurks in my mind as I sit to write this blog post. His query is so selfishly poised up to embark the loss of a beautiful relationship into a sweltering union of two societal metaphors as a couple. Before divulging further on this let’s break this question into two:
How can I be her provider? So you want to provide for her…enough financial funds…so to rule her persona or simply cast your machismo and what for?
Guys try to answer this honestly, before you read further. I really want to help if devil has gripped you with such remarks. Men and women are in relationships primarily for ONE and ONLY ONE reason that they LOVE each other. Other factors like income, looks, nationality and social hiatus fall way behind the nuptial ties of love.
If she makes more than I do?
…So what? Have life.
Let her be good at what she is. Do not define her role and for that matter, do not define the one for yourself. Try to fly high like a bird in the sky of life. Never build a shell around yourself. You will injure your wings. You are doing more harm to yourself than to her with this stuff rolling rounds up and down in your mind!
As you are still reading this piece of advice, I qualify you as a ‘lover’ than a husband or a boyfriend. You care for her more than anyone else on this planet. ‘You want to be her provider’ reads out me ‘you always want to be the best man around her.’
With this said and done, I want to disclose here that I started earning only after three years of my marriage. My wife worked for a news portal and fetched primary income for our household. I completed my advanced study in finance and took my first job only after years of hard work. LOVE was and it is the only driving factor till date in my marriage that helped me grow old. I could earn a diamond for my wife on only our fourth anniversary!
How did I provide her (my love and care) when I practically earned none, or meagre peanuts? I followed my heart. Here is a quick list.
1. Do not fall prey to sham social stigma attached to men’s income. Break the myth that men possess more financial muscle than women. Women are not confided to house chores. A great husband is never the one who buys diamonds for her, but the one who does the dishes and laundry, besides supplying her diamonds and flowers. Attend a ladies’ kitty party to know the truth.
2. Keep reminding yourself that- I loved her and I still do. Yes! You always need to know the reality of a relationship before you make a wedding vow. If love has been your inspiration to be with her, it should continue to stay with you forever. Her monthly check can never falter the love and trust you both capitulated in each other.
3. You need to learn to celebrate her victories. Every time she gets an appraisal or catches a raise in her job you should be the first one to celebrate with her. She has to be your priority. If you fail to rejoice her victories you would soon fail the relationship. As her victories would begin to miss the spark for her, so would her sense of happiness.
4. Do not fall in to trap of comparisons. Understand that, as you love her, so does she. She married you and not your bank account. How much any of you own in the bank should not falter the peace within the household.
5. You need to stay happy to keep her happy. Do not sacrifice your happiness because any one outside of your marriage believes that you are incapable or just not at par with her. She and you are the ones to define the roles in the home and no one else.
6. Use the opportunity to strengthen the bond between you two. I used to complete many of her personal tasks those years and I still do. I am not boasting off my love for my wife, but I really love to organize her closet and prepare morning coffee for her. I am doing this for last decade and wish to do it forever. Her smile brings all the pleasure in my life. There are so many little things you can do to keep love alive in your relationship.
· Drive her to the office
· Attend kid’s school
· Prepare meals
· Do laundry and dishes
· Surprise her by meeting grocery lists
· Use your time to teach your kid their favorite sport
· Go shopping with her
The list can go on forever. Do whatever springs up love among you two. All happy families are alike.
7. Being men, we mostly need to learn to fight the demon inside rather outside. All the old school thoughts that talk about establishing superiority in the household fail to touch upon the sanctity of wedlock.
When a man traps himself inside the shell where he needs to foster a HERO inside him who is the best man around his wife, all he is doing is ravaging his true self. He is just living to feed his ego. The ego may grow and make him happy for some time, but eventually it will kill the relationship. The sadness will soon creep in ruining the love bond between the two souls. So save the life in your relationship.
To be her provider, all you need is to usher her your love and care. There is strictly no compulsiveness to earn as much as she does. You are master of your relationship and not her social status.
The biggest gift you can give her is your love. Love is when the other person’s happiness is essential to your own. So, her accolades are as essential as yours.