Tired of the “I miss you” texts
4 questions you should ask each other before moving in together.
My boyfriend and I met at the University of Cincinnati as freshmen, and started dating our sophomore year. We’ve been together ever since, making this summer our fifth year anniversary. Currently we’re long distance and have been for a little over a year; he lives in Georgia, while I am in Ohio. I have put countless thoughts into the idea of moving in together, and within that I came up with these four questions I think should be answered or at least thought of before making the big move.
1. Why are we moving in together?
This might seem like a stupid question because the answer probably feels obvious to you. But I really want you to go below the surface when thinking about your answer. Could be for financial reasons? Or maybe because it just feels right? Orrrr maybe because it’s the “expected” thing to do? I don’t know what you’ll come up with, I just know most of the time when you want to find real answers to questions you must be able to answer “why” first. In part, self discovery (just life in general) is all about reflecting and figuring out why you do the things you do.
2. How will we split the living costs?
Again, this should seem like common sense to think about these things but I think sometimes when emotions are running high, common sense ain’t so common anymore. Now the answer to this question is major because this will give insight on how your partner views money and the relationship entirely. Okay I don’t think it’s that cut in dry, but generally speaking you need to pay very close attention to this answer. Whether you all decide to split everything right down the middle or have one person pay the biggest expenses (could be logical reasons), I believe this will foreshadow how serious the relationship will end up being. Could end in marriage or could end in one of yall laying on ya best friend’s couch listening to Drake’s “Take Care” album on repeat; reminiscing on the good ol’ days when bae used to give those fire booty rubs. SN: I love me a good booty rub after a longgg, scressful day, lawdd hammercyy! If bae ain’t rubbing yo booty, dat ain’t bae. Honestly. Truly. No but foreal, the reason why this question is so important is because it’ll force expectations to be put on the forefront; which majority of relationship problems spring from communication, or lack thereof, and undisclosed expectations.
3. Where will we be, as a couple, in 5 years?
5 years?! Yeah I know it seems like a long time but let’s be honest, if this question scares the ish out of you or has you a little hesitant, that’s a sign. SIGNS ARE YOUR FRIEND. & I don’t mean to make this sound like an interview question, but this really is something you need to think about. This will force you to really meditate on if you see yourself with this person longterm (which I know what you’re thinking duh, obvi you do, otherwise you wouldn’t be moving in with them). No but seriously I can’t stress this enough, we as people let our emotions get the best of us way too often. So really really really open your mind, dig deep and seriously reflect on this question. And once again this will give way for you to see what your partner thinks about the relationship as well. If they refuse to answer the question or skate around an answer, that’s a sign. Reread what I said about signs again, s-l-o-w-l-y.
4. When it comes down to it, will we fight for each other?
IT, specifically speaking on the end-of-the-world zombie apocalyptic type scenario. This might seem random, but stay with me because this last question is the metaphorical beast you all must conquer to win the game. Okay so it’s STORY TIME:
I read online somewhere about a girl who had moved across state to be with her longtime on&off boyfriend. From what I read (which really means nothing at all), they seemed to be happy for the most part, aside from the usual boyfriend/girlfriend arguments. However within the girl’s story she shared something her boyfriend did that really bothered me… Apparently she was doing majority of the grocery shopping and during one particular trip, she bought some Pillsbury cinnamon rolls. Seeing how her boyfriend was home most of the day, it wasn’t unusual for her to come home and find out he had cooked something. One day she returned home and as soon as she opened the door, the sweet aroma of cinnamon rolls hit her nose. Of course she was excited because who doesn’t love cinnamon rolls, right? She puts her bags down, yells to her bf “Hey babe! I hope you saved me some cinnamon rolls!” And he responds, “Yeah sure.” She enters the kitchen, gazes toward the stove and starts walking in the direction of the cinnamon roll pan. As she gets closer to the pan, she realizes it’s damn near empty, except for one lone roll. But to her disgust, it wasn’t your typical basic cinnamon roll. No, no this was a cinnamon roll with it’s entire top (or head) bit off. He left her the bottom half, that was basically burnt bread! She said she was really sad that he didn’t save her any edible ones, and she claimed he apologized. — — — — — — — — — — — —
Now let me break down to you what I thought after reading this girl’s story. Initial thoughts: Oh HELL no…I wish my man would… He done lost his mind!
After my initial thoughts I seriously started thinking about the level of savagery her boyfriend was on, and then IT hit me. IT meaning the end-of-the-world scenario I was talking about earlier. A person that greedy and selfish would definitely not be thinking about you while the world is ending. Shoot they probably would do you like that poor cinnamon roll, so watch out for those kind of people. On the surface, some people might say, “Girl, it’s just a cinnamon roll, like he’s not putting his hands on her or anything.” And I would totally agree with that statement, however disrespect is like a wildfire, it typically starts off small and then eventually starts growing and spreading into other areas. I mean seriously, the man ate bout ALL the cinnamon rolls SHE purchased, thought, “Oh I’ma save babe one.” Then at the last minute decided ‘nah.’ SMH. So I’m saying all this to say, observe and think about the ‘little’ things because every huge problem more than likely had a small beginning. Today it could be the cinnamon rolls head, tomorrow it could be yours (hypothetically). Ultimately, would you both have each other’s back when it’s most needed? Would you guys fight together as a team and always remember to respect each other?
I know every relationship is different and not everyone’s end goal is marriage, so always use discretion and follow your heart no matter what. I do know one thing for certain, we all want love and we all deserve to feel love. In me writing this piece, I was hoping to start discussions and get people thinking about what their expectations are when it comes to love. All in all, when you know what you truly expect you’ll know what you WON’T accept :)