Social Anxiety

Early birds chorus a song that I haven’t been included in

As I stand at the base of this unfathomable tree.

Others fly up, forgetting me on their way.

I am afraid.

The more I think

The more terror coddles my weak heart.

My hands reach up to catch hold of the first branch

One foot leaves the grass

And my heart is wrung by the panic that ensues

as my second foot rolls off the serenely oblivious ground.

I endeavor upwards.

Panic, terror.

They rack the mind and when they’ve done their damage

They move on to the heart.

With every barely-holding-it-together conversation that I cut off too soon

Panic grips tighter.

They won’t understand. I’ll not waste time explaining.

Scream into the tempest within that I never asked for this.

Never asked for this fear.

The sun finally drops.

I release into a free fall from the branch my trembling limbs just found

Only to find that I’ve only made it as far as yesterday.

I wear the the tear-watered path to my bed a little deeper

And somehow

In the morning

I’ll scrape together the courage to walk back to the same tree,

When the birds sing again.

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