The Toilet Papers #3: Heebie Gee-GBL
“Every bathroom has a soul” — Grace Kim
There is something really creepy about the GGBL building on North campus… Most of the renovation is done bu — but I get the chills and I always feel like I’m in great danger. Maybe it’s the lack of windows or the dead eyes of the students inside but I thought I should check out the bathroom and give it a fair shot. Little did I know that this bathroom was haunted…
The slate-grey tiles lining the floor and walls echoed my boot’s a-clackin’ and everything was really clean and I was digging the whole modern vibe going on with the vibrant blue sink, but then I realized there were no real lights on the ceiling. This really creeped me out because it was as if this bathroom was purgatory — the light spilling in from the heaven above. Will I be stuck on this toilet forever?? Yearning for the unattainable dwelling of light, where people don’t need to write bathroom reviews to procrastinate before their exam??
The stall experience was uncanny. It was the cleanest bathroom I’ve ever used on this campus in my 23 years going to this school. The floor was absolutely spotless and even the feminine product trash can (aka phone holder) was eerily polished. I don’t know if it’s because I was in an engineering building (i.e. this women’s bathroom is not well-used) or if this bathroom was staffed with ghosts, but it was definitely one of the cleanest bathrooms on campus. I was the only person sitting in this purgatory and I actually felt lonely and empty inside. Inside this bathroom, there is no society, just grey and a stream of light from above, teasing me with a promise of hope and a better future.
To go off on a little tangent: what did disappoint me was the lack of toilet covers. WHY?! I feel like at this point in society, it’s a basic human right! Why should I have to construct my own out of toilet paper to prevent my butt from touching stuff that other people’s butts have touched!?? My butt is pristine! This is an outrage and I will be bringing this up in a meeting with the Dean of Engineering!
I was once told by a wise woman that every bathroom has a soul. Even the most horrible bathrooms in a public park have some kind of character. It’s scratches and honest-nature give it real personality and even though those bathrooms hella gross me out, I can appreciate a bathroom’s character. On the other end of the spectrum, there are really really nice bathrooms in those swanky restaurants with cloth napkins for paper towels; the kind where you feel bad for leaving a mess. Sure these bathrooms give off a pretentious vibe, but again, I can appreciate its charisma and panache. In both examples, these bathrooms command attention. But in the case of the GGBL bathroom, I feel no soul — no character. Sure, it’s super clean and has a cool blue sink, but it wasn’t just my bowels feeling empty in there…
This bathroom receives 6.66 toilet paper squares out of 10!
