An imagined conversation from the Orange is the New Black writer’s room
SPOILERS FOR THE WHOLE OF SEASON 4 BELOW
Look, I’m used to TV shows letting me down before. I’m still recovering from the untimely death of George O’Malley (RIP sweet angel, so gentle and so kind, never made any mistakes other than letting go of Callie Torres) in Grey’s Anatomy, and still quietly fuming over Keith being the only character to be murdered in the Six Feet Under finale. But whatever — we all make mistakes. But what has infuriated to a new level is the fourth season of Orange is the New Black. The show’s not perfect, and in fact I don’t think it ever has been. But the largely female, and fairly mixed cast has always been its saving grace. However this season the show, which had always tentatively hovered over them, went way deep into RACE ISSUES, to its detriment. I hated, and felt extremely let down by, this season of the show, and can only imagine what went through through the heads of the people in the LARGELY WHITE writer’s room. I like to think it went something like this.
White Woman 1: Hey guys, so let’s get into it. What can we do this season?
White Woman 2: It’s 2016, do you know what seems really relevant? ….RACE.
A murmur goes out throughout the writer’s room.
White Woman 1: …Tell me more….
White Woman 2: Okay so… did you know there’s like, more than one kind of Latin-American? Like not just Mexico?
White Woman 1: …Continue
White Woman 2: Maybe like, some of the Latin-American’s don’t like the other ones as much? And also maybe there’s like… loads of them?
White Woman 1: Okay, yes, this is interesting stuff. Not sure about the number’s stuff though. They could rule the prison and that would break the natural ‘whites on top’ hierarchy of life.
White Woman 2 nudges White Woman 3, sat next to her, and the two of them let out a laugh.
White Woman 3: Oh, things are still terrible for them, don’t you worry. And let me tell you why… NEO NAZI’s!
White Woman 1: Holy. Shit.
White Woman 4: Can we have some romance this season?
White Woman 3: How about Poussey and Soso? The fans are going crazy for that hand holding scene in the final episode of season three!
White Woman 1: Once again, I LOVE it, but seems a little… positive. And, I mean, interracial non-white romance? Will people buy it?
White Woman 5: Okay, I’ve got two ideas for you here. Firstly, who’s heard of Black Lives Matter?
A few of the writers nod their heads, others remain silent and apprehensive.
White Woman 4: Black Lives? But I thought that like, all lives matter?
White Woman 5: So, Black Lives Matter was formed because the police kept killing people in really unjust ways like chokeholds. Why don’t we replicate that on the show?
There are literally money signs in White Woman 1’s eyes. She leans forward in her chair a little.
White Woman 1: And who are you suggesting…
She mimes cutting her throat.
White Woman 5: So people love Poussey because she’s black, but also she’s like… not black, right? She likes books, and is middle class, and isn’t from ‘the ghetto’. She’s a black character that white characters can actually identify with.
White Woman 2: So you’re saying…
White Woman 5: Oh yes. We kill her off. Think of it like this — we kill off any of the underprivileged black characters and we get accused of racism and trivialising black death. BUT here we’re showing how unjust and CRUEL life is because, she read books and stuff! It’ll be totally devastating.
White Woman 3: Guys hear me out here. There was this campaign called ‘Say Her Name’ to do with Black Lives Matter. So what about if, all the inmates are waiting for the authorities to announce Poussey’s death to the public, and instead of doing that…
The entire writer’s room is now leaning forwards, their eyes gleaming.
White Woman 3: They don’t…
They’re all salivating. They can tell this is Emmy-winning stuff.
White Woman 3: …SAY HER NAME.
The entire writer’s room goes fucking nuts.
White Man: Oh my god, I love it. Hey, can I just make one quick suggestion — can we bring back Larry?
FIN