(My Favorite) Note for Scotland #5

As I wrote in a previous note, Wild, both the book and the movie, are two of my favorite things in the world. This note came after watching it again (for the third time).

This note is my favorite note I’ve written since I’ve been back. My entire life, I have never felt enough. I’ve never felt pretty or skinny. I’ve never felt like I have an incredibly pretty face or shiny hair or gorgeous eyes. I’ve hated my hips, I’ve hated my thighs, I’ve hated my arms. I’ve even hated my too small of hands. I’ve stood beside my gorgeous friends and wondered why I couldn’t just once be the pretty one. It’s something I’ve always struggled with, and it only got worse as I got older.

But after watching that movie again, I realized something had changed in me. Somewhere in the midst of coming out of that dark time a year ago, there came about a newfound self-acceptance and self-love. Somewhere along the way, I began to understand that I am now so much more than those insecurities. I had triumphed, and nothing and no one could say I hadn’t.

10.26.2015

I’ve realized since coming back that I see myself, my body and my spirit, in a much different, better way than when I left last September. And I’ve come to see that it’s because this body and this spirit triumphed over great battles. How could I not better love this skin, this soul, this mind after experiencing and watching each one of them tackle demons that I didn’t know could exist? How could I not be more confident in who I am when I did what felt like was impossible?

I will always look back on that time with tears in my eyes and a fire in my heart. It is and always will be one of the greatest adventures of my life.

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