And on the Eighth Day, God Visited a Dental Office

By- Dr. Andrew Tanchyk

It was Monday morning and that was tough enough, I thought, to explain the strange look on my receptionist’s face. “Doctor”, she said, “there’s a walk-in emergency and I thought you should look at this”. She handed me the health history. It was blank, except for the space for the patient’s name. It said, “God”.

My receptionist whispered, “He says if it’s easier for you, to call him Frank. “Like I said: Monday morning. I had her seat the character, and then entered the room. Sitting in the chair was a grungy looking teenager with a hoodie, sneakers and jeans. Well, I was a wise guy as a teenager too, I thought. But suddenly the door slammed behind me; there was a clap of thunder, a flash of lightning, and my whole life flashed before my eyes.

I was shaking now, tried to catch my breath and said, “I’m going to sit down, would you mind, uh, Frank, or should I kneel?” HE replied, “Sit. I didn’t want to scare you, but let’s get to the point of why I’m here. Now, I want you to smooth a tooth for me. When I’m reincarnated like this, stuff happens and this morning I chipped my upper right first molar on a damn bagel. I could think it smooth, but it occurred to me that I should check on you dentists. I regularly do personal appearances and revelations to you people — saints, mystics, and poets. But I also like to appear to average people. Haven’t done a dentist yet. And you’re an average one.”

I scrunched my face and said, “When you say average…” “I mean average,” HE said sternly, “You think you’re a hotshot. All humans do. Your old man, Adam, was like that, and I kicked his tail out of Eden for it. You could be like my angels, but look at your souls. What a mess!”

I hadn’t ever been this nervous, not since my first occlusal restoration in dental school, or that tax audit. I put on my gloves and facemask, and put a bib on HIM. I positioned HIM and was about to say, “Open wide”, when HE said, “Hold on, aren’t you forgetting something?”

I stuttered through the facemask, “Well, come to think of it, there are a lot of things . . . What the meaning of life is? What is truth? Who killed JFK? What about area 51? And any prophetic insight into the winning World Series and Super bowl teams, and Powerball numbers?

“No! You forgot to discuss the fee for smoothing my tooth, first”, HE said authoritatively.

I was now sweating, blushing, breathing heavy and stuttered, “Well, uh, there’s no fee, that is, it’s a courtesy, an honor, an offering . . .”

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