Alternative Timeline of Events Since Trump Won

Hey friends. Think Trump’s transition was chaos, and his presidency has been a disaster thus far? You’ve been following the Lamestream Media. Alternative events have also happened.

Nov. 9 — Trump wins electoral college and popular vote in a historic landslide. Even though it was totally rigged and millions of illegals voted illegally. None of those egghead scientists, Marxist journalist Nazis or RINOs thought it could happen. Sad!

Nov. 9 — Trump’s campaign spent half as much per vote as Clinton’s, despite all her corrupt corporate backers.

Nov. 9 — Toward the end, while Clinton’s campaign was emptying the coffers, Trump still didn’t spend as much. What a businessman. (Of course, not paying staffers is just good business. Especially when they’re women. That’s the great negotiator at work).

Nov. 9 — Communist, overrated celebrities who swore to leave the country if Trump wins… don’t leave. Bunch of losers.

Nov. 10 — Protesters, paid and bused in personally by George Soros, riot and loot in liberal cities, destroying property. So hateful and violent. When arrested, it’s found that most of them didn’t even vote. Hypocrites.

Nov. 15 — Sore loser Hillary Clinton violently attacks her own staff after losing. She was probably going to die anyway. LOL. Nice try, Communist.

Nov. 16 — Trump successfully drains the swamp, as promised.

Nov. 17 — Trump picks cabinet members at a historic rate. The best picks. Bastions of traditional American values. Self-made, hard-working men. Transition goes smoothly.

Dec. 6 — Disgusting Clinton / Podesta child sex ring exposed. Media freaks out about a hero who tried to save the kids.

Dec. 6 — Trump stoically saves Carrier jobs from being sent to Mexico. He’s saving America before even taking office.

Dec. 8 — Economic confidence is surging thanks to Trump.

Dec. 12 — Trump has no problems whatsoever with the intelligence community. He’s got their back. They’ll totally clap for him later.

Dec. 13 — Stock markets continue in a historic climb. Praise Trump!

Nov-Dec. — Media lurk in base of Trump Tower, making up their fake news articles as Trump’s supporters mock their Marxist machinations. Yeezy kicks it with The Donald because he’s super cool.

Nov-Jan. — SNL is a totally biased liberal propaganda tool. So overrated.

Jan. 6 — Trump sets car manufacturer Toyota straight for daring to manufacture cars in Mexico. How dare they. They’re American, right?

Jan. 6 — Russia wasn’t responsible for Trump’s election at all. The liberal media is lying. American journalists are a bunch of godless Communists. Gotta love the Russians.

Jan. 19 — Trump’s remarkable transition was on time and under budget.

Jan. 19 — Radical leftist terrorists groups plan to stop Trump’s inauguration violently. Traitorous Socialists!

Jan. 20 — Trump sworn in as largest crowd ever cheers in Washington DC — a million, maybe a million and a half. Way bigger crowds than Bernie.

Jan. 20 — Trump’s speech is the best ever. Jesse Jackson loves it. Everyone was feeling alt-right.

Jan. 20 — Meanwhile, some violent liberal rioters destroy private property instead of getting jobs. Why can they do nothing but hate America?

Jan. 20 — The only thing the rest of those vile leftists who aren’t rioting can do is attack Trump’s 10-year-old child.

Jan. 20 — Or sucker punch somebody because lib cuck beta snowflakes hate free speech.

Jan. 20 — Media lies about a bust of MLK in the Oval Office and about Trump’s crowd sizes. Brave Sean Spicer excoriates them for their lies. People note the irony of liberals obsessing over crowd size now, when they said it didn’t matter that Hillary Clinton drew smaller crowds than Trump a few months ago.

Jan. 20 — Israeli leaders cheer for Trump.

Jan. 21 — Trump fulfills campaign promises on first day. Or maybe not. Who’s keeping track?

Jan. 20–22 — Some women march or something. Whatever. Fox mentions that “Several hundred thousand” showed up, I guess. Not worth covering much. Embarrassing. Trump asks “Why didn’t they bother to vote?” and Madonna gets investigated by the Secret Service for threatening to bomb the White House. What a bunch of violent ne’er-do-wells. Christy is the real American in all of this.

Jan. 22 — Nobody cares about Trump’s tax returns. Everybody’s ready to move on to making America great again. Because America loves its dearest leader.

And that’s about it! Anything bad you think you’ve heard about? Definitely didn’t happen. How will this continue into 2017? Who will people actually be voting for in 2020?

There will be lots of events between now and then — double the usual, in fact. Two completely different alternatives to choose from. #ThankYouTrump