This is a bit of a mess, isn’t it? You seem to have gone through rather a lot of unhappiness in order to arrive at a rather wary and defensive happiness, or perhaps I should call it “paranoid satisfaction level”. You “don’t go to weddings” — what, anybody’s? Don’t some people matter to you rather more than others? Don’t you think it rude to turn down all invitations no matter what? You don’t vote? What is that, a principle which makes any kind of sense if you live in a democracy where even choosing the lesser of two evils might be a positive move for the future? You don’t have health insurance because it’s complicated? That doesn’t have any kind of grounding in intelligence or common sense. (I really shouldn’t comment on “I ran a hedge fund… I have nothing really to show for it.” Boy you must be unique.) Relax a little — you have acquired some wisdom through experience, don’t let it all spoil things.