Telling me I am ready to date

I am a recently divorced father, looking to get back into the dating scene.

Fuck me, its kind of hard. And people are fucking horrible sometimes.

This is primarily about this one person I talked to. We matched, and had a nice chat. She was an intelligent, well spoken and attractive person. We chatted for a bit, and then I called her phone.

She asked me

  1. Do I have kids?
  2. Have I been married?

Well, the answer is I have a two year old and that I have been married and am currently separated. As you can imagine, this did not go down well. Her tone shifted from ‘hey, this guys sounds cool’ to ‘get off the phone as fast as you can’.

I explained my situation, but she was having none of it. And then she said something that has stuck with me.

“Look, I just don’t think you are ready to be dating. Its too soon”

This was in the middle of a long “its not you, its your situation” speech that I have heard several times. At the time, I was very polite and said “thats ok”, and didnt say a god damn thing.

You know what. Fuck you. Fuck you and your judgemental attitude. Fuck your assuming that you know any fucking thing about me. Where the ever loving fuck do you get off thinking you can decide my emotional state?

If I had the opportunity again, I doubt I would be so polite. It was like she was trying to make me feel bad about wanting to find someone. Yeah, I am not looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with again, but should I be made to feel bad about wanting to get out of the house and spend some time with someone that makes me feel good?

God dammit, life is fucking hard enough as a divorcee. My financial future is fucked, my self esteem is shot to hell, I don’t have the time or money to improve myself and the moment you tell someone you are divorced or separated they run a fucking mile. Why do I need someone telling me whether or not I am ready to go on a fucking date?

Is it so much to ask that I be given a chance to prove that I am worth a fucking evening of drinks and conversation? Maybe I don’t want to be someones forever person. Maybe I just want to get out of the house and feel like a human being again and not have to worry about my daughter or my finances.

Is that so much to fucking ask? To not be seen as an extension of my failed marriage or my child? I know that when you have a child you give up a lot of your life, but can’t I be more than that? How much of me is allowed to just be for me?

Noone else can know my emotional state but me. I don’t think it is fair to assume that because I have only been separated for a few months I am not ready to have a goddamn drink with someone. My marriage was over a long time before we decided to separate. I have wasted so much of my life in a failed marriage, I don’t want to have to wait for other people to decide I am ready to start living again.

I am 33, getting older, fatter, less attractive and more bitter as time passes. If I keep going as I am, I risk being alone for the rest of my life. And that’s not fair. Just because I had a failed marriage doesn’t mean that I am some kind of defective product that should be cast aside.

Oh well, fuck it. Alcohol doesn’t judge me.

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