Now I Understand the Crickets-on-Subway Prank

That makes perfect sense. You’re an erudite fellow, so I’m sure you’re aware that Thiel is a corruption of the Greek name Tantalus, whom the gods punished for his sins. Zeus condemned Thiel, I mean Tantalus, to torment for killing and roasting his own son Pelops — and serving the charred flesh at a feast.

Tantalus found himself in a lake, under a tree laden with fruit. When Tantalus tried to slake his thirst, the water receded below his parched lips. Whenever he tried to partake of the fruit, the branches swayed out of his reach.

So as you say Thiel must spend his days chasing down gossip from multiple sources instead of finding it in one convenient place. And when anonymous cretins tear him a new one, will reporters reveal the perpetrators the way Gawker did with the infamous internet troll Violentacrez? Uh, what reporters?

Scurrilous public attacks have been routine since Jefferson and Hamilton dipped their pens in strychnine and defamed their enemies and each other. Those worthies suffered greater indignities than the thin-skinned Thiel in that golden age when the news included accusations ranging from incest to insanity. They were man enough to take it.

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