Sometimes, you don’t know yourself…

So relationships, that golden word. Hated by some, loved by others. But an unavoidable aspect of life.

I used to think I was good at them. Now… Well you can guess.
There is an old saying that you can’t love someone else, till you can love yourself. Like most old sayings there is an element of truth to this, but it’s not set in stone. I think you need to know who you are and what you want, so you can then be honest with yourself, then honest with others.

I was in a relationship for 4 years that should of been perfect for me, with a great girl, who was a fantastic girlfriend. But it wasn’t smooth sailing, and it’s taken me 2 years to realise why.

I didn’t know what I wanted and who I was.

She did. She knew what she wanted in life and from the relationship, and was willing to get it. I just went with the flow, not really making decisions, just going along with life, not taking charge of the direction of my own life.
As you can imagine this went well for me. Speedbumps and coming off the tracks are two phrases that come to mind. Not all my fault, but mostly me I’ll admit.

Hindsight becomes a wonderful tool in situations like that. I can look back at all of the decisions I made and way I dealt with things, and how I should of acted. This is a blessing and a curse.

I tried to use the lessons learnt from that relationship in my attempts since. It hasn’t gone well.

I’ve tried to be all in, flying halfway across the world for one. Nope.
I’ve tried to play it cool, you can guess how that went. 
Tinder and other apps- He laughs…..

So I’ve taken a long look at myself. I recommend it, it’s not fun, but it’s damm interesting. Be honest, be deep, and write it down.

I won’t go into the details, as no one wants to hear that, but the outcome works.

Looking forward, I know who I am.
I am an odd, slightly nuts, caring and adventurous big kid, who just wants to share the world with someone, and can put up with me.

I’m not here to play games, or be in a situations when we don’t know what is happening, or where we stand. 
If I like you I’ll tell you.
If you don’t like me, tell me. I’m a big boy now.

All I ask is for honesty and simplicity- as that is what I am now.

Right, anyone know where I can find that?

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