The Opportunity Cost of Excuses
Why learning to live without ‘em is worth it
Chuck Palahniuk (an author oft-quoted by yours truly, OK perhaps too oftly) hosted an AMA (Ask Me Anything) on reddit a month ago.
Someone asked him:
“What was the most difficult book you’ve written?”
His reply:
“I wrote a memorial album and history about my father’s life and death and had it published privately, just for family members. It was torture. But that’s a hallmark of important tasks: they suck to do, but you’re happy you’ve done them.”
Reading back through the thread I was reminded of this remarkably valuable lesson. It’s a piece of wisdom that’s especially pertinent to my generation—a generation that’s growing up in the New World, a world that’s made it increasingly easier to dodge difficult tasks, to shirk responsibilities and commitments…with just a couple of keystrokes.
THE OLD WORLD
My parents were born in the 1960s. Without Twitter. Without Facebook. Without Snapchat, or email, or cell phones. And they may have “communicated” less in those days, per se, but they were exceedingly more real with each other, more trustworthy.
Let me explain.
When my parents were growing up they didn’t have the luxury (see: crutch) of “last-minute” communication. If you told Carl you’d meet him at the park at noon, one week from today, you sure as hell did it. Because it was your word, it was your responsibility. If you told Katie you’d pick her up to go out on Friday night at 7 PM … you showed up at 7 PM! People followed through on their commitments and you didn’t get many opportunities to make up for it when you failed.
THE NEW WORLD
Flash forward a few decades. The typical Friday night usually includes some “feelers” out into the network—checking to see what everyone is up to. Evaluating the best options in realtime. Making multiple sets of plans. Backup Plan A, B, C. Routinely breaking all sorts of commitments. Showing up late (if you show up at all).
Because it’s TOO DAMN EASY.
I feel like Clint Eastwood right now, yelling in the front yard. But it’s truly frustrating. This isn’t only about social fluff. This is about work, too. And really, it’s bigger than both of those things—this is about missing out on the incredible opportunities for growth that are only possible by doing the things you don’t want to do!
Also, get off my lawn.
WE’RE ADDICTS
In a delightful episode of Seinfeld a scene plays out before us. George Costanza is in the hotel lobby, with Jerry, looking around nervously.
GEORGE: Maybe he didn’t show up.
JERRY: What, you don’t want to do this?
GEORGE: I don’t think there’s ever been an appointment in my life where I wanted the other guy to show up.
I’m no stranger to this feeling. There’s an innate tension before any sort of rendezvous. And how delightful is the rush of a cancelled meeting you didn’t want to attend? Pretty great, huh? We’re junkies for it.
Perhaps it was a meeting in which you had some report to give. Perhaps you were grabbing coffee with someone you’ve never met. Maybe it was a date. Oh man. It could have been a horribly uncomfortable experience. But you’re free! FREE! Let’s go watch some Netflix! Let’s crawl back in bed! What a gift, what a joy!
Or is it?
I think this euphoria of cancelled plans, of sudden and unexpected “freedom” is addicting. It’s a drug that’s got a tight grip on way too many of us. In small doses, sure, it can be a truly beneficial relief. The just-so-serendipitious reprieve we needed. But when we start abusing the power of cancellation, of excuses in all forms, really, we start getting out of control. When we’re shooting up excuses on the daily, at home before work, in the car—oh my, there’s trouble.
Because maybe that meeting would have been uncomfortable… but maybe it would mean a new friend, a mentor, a job offer in two, or three, or four years down the line. Maybe that date is your future wife,husband.
Maybe that deadline means you miss out on a referral, a new client, an incredible opportunity.
And maybe it’s something far less consequential, but still important—maybe you could have learned something about yourself, grown a little bit. And probably it would have been worth it, regardless of the outcome. That’s the lesson here. That’s the important thing we incur in this equation, opportunity cost.
When I have an early coffee meeting I usually wake up and spend at least a minute thinking of all the excuses I could make to get out of it. There’s an infinite amount….I could just send a quick email…I could shoot them a text…I could go back to bed.
When we’re faced with the prospect of discomfort, we choose comfort. Because it’s the path of least resistance. It’s idealized and nice and fluffy and really, really easy. It’s a relief.
Fuck that.
Pardon my language, guys, but I’ve never regretted going to that meeting. In fact, I almost always feel awesome and inspired after meeting with people. It sucks to do things, but IT’S WORTH IT.
And not just meetings. How about the actual work. The stuff we do for our jobs, our hobbies, our passions?!
I think this whole idea really stuck with me after furiously studying writers—you know writers, right? They’re that notorious bunch of excuse-slingers, those folks that can cop out with claims of “writer’s block” and a “misplaced muse.” Well, here’s the not-so-secret-secret about successful writers: the true professionals don’t make excuses; true masters of their craft don’t wait for inspiration, they get it done.
When we allow ourselves to miss deadlines, when we put off the important tasks and distract ourselves with the inconsequential, we limit our growth. If it comes down to a choice between hitting your deadline and watching one more episode of Breaking Bad, what will you choose?
The feeling of shipping it—whether that’s a design, a script, an article, that’s the feeling I care more about.
Which will feel better tomorrow? Will you look back in five years and wonder how much you missed out on?
THIS IS AN INTERVENTION
Guys, this isn’t easy for me to say. I’m often on the same side of the mirror with you…and it ain’t pretty.
I think we’ve got a real problem here.
I think we need to go to rehab.
Steven Pressfield will tell you to “fight the resistance and do the work.” Seth Godin will instruct you to “quiet the Lizard Brain.”
I’ll tell you to “do sucky things…even though they seem like they’re going to suck, because they’re probably actually really going to be totally worth it.”
Slightly less eloquent, but you get the point.
We never want to do these things in the moment, but we’re so glad we’ve done them once they’re over. I’m not suggesting masochism. This isn’t duping ourselves into enjoying the pain of difficulty—it’s realizing that we idealize inaction. It’s understanding that we overcompensate the potential (and perceived) pain of challenges.
Instead of confronting our fears we retreat. We romanticize Netflix, wildly point to introversion, cancel plans like bomb diffusers as the clock ticks 3…2…1. We log in to Facebook to avoid doing our homework, we zone out. We choose one of the generally infinite excuses in our arsenal, all so that we can stay in our comfort zone.
Inside this nice little bubble.
I’m not saying there’s no place for changing plans, for indulging in the things we enjoy. I’m just asking for moderation—let’s stop trying to dodge the bullets of commitment. Like any addiction, it’s going to be hard work, but I’m in if you are.
Will you pledge to do the things you don’t want to do?
To deprive yourself of that sweet, sweet drug?
Make plans and stick to them.
Hit deadlines.
Go to coffee.
Go to meetings. Go to dinner.
Go to that event. That concert. That art show.
That other thing, too.
Work out.
Finish that book.
Take an improv class. Take a sewing class. Learn something new.
Do work that scares you. Challenge yourself.
Follow through.
Acknowledge when you mess up. (It happens!)
Be honest—with yourself and others.
Just because you can make an excuse, doesn’t mean you should. It’s easier to do so. But the hard decision is the one that’s worth it.
In a world of instant gratification can you be patient? Are you capable of waiting for an even better feeling when you’ve followed through?
Can you quit the drug?
It’s not easy. But like I said, it’s worth it.
/grant
PS if you need inspiration, here’s some, “Fuck it, I’ll do it live.”
PPS tweet me what you’re going to do—just pick one thing to start and stick to it: @grantspanier
PPPS I’d love if you would send this article to someone who is making excuses. It might be just the thing they need to get ‘em moving.
