Oh no, no, no. Not the finger.

I’d called the guy’s number even though there was nobody else. He was on his phone and had held up his forefinger. The finger said; Just a minute, chief. I need to finish this phonecall.

I pressed my thumb into his McMuffin. And then my knuckles as I gazed at him smiling. He wasn’t looking.

Our McDonalds had become a fancy McDonalds in June. Most people got it. The coffee shop formula. People were usually pressed up against the counter. Eagerly waiting for their number to come up. This prick though.

He finished his call and I repeated his number. One time I’d called out my PIN number by accident. Nobody noticed but I’d kept touching my wallet for the rest of that day.

He showed me his ticket. For verification that he wasn’t a HAMBURGLAR! Ha! I never usually look at them. Don’t bother showing it to me. For this guy I made an exception and took his ticket and studied it. The numbers matched. He went to grab the tray but I pulled it back.

“Oh dear, it’s cold. And a bit mashed up. Don’t know what happened there.”

“It’s fine.”

“I can’t let this leave the pass. Sorry. We’re not a slop-shop. Can probably save the drink.”

“Really, it’s ok-”

“Paula! How long for another Sausage and Egg McMuffin?”

“Three minutes, chef!”

“On the pass?”

“Oui chef!”

When people fucked us off we pretended to be a top French restaurant. What they gonna do?

“I’ll eat that one,” the guy was saying.

“Sorry, I wouldn’t let a dog eat that,” daring him to come back and say he’d eat what a dog wouldn’t. I tipped it into the bin when he hadn’t replied after three seconds. He looked at his watch. “Paula, how long?”

“Three minutes, Chef,” and there I nearly started laughing. Held it together, just. Didn’t want to get punched. I stroked my tie and raised my eyebrows at the guy.


“Three,” she said and I made a sad face.

“Oh come on,” the guy managed.

“Seconds!” she finished. I held up my hand without looking at her but the McMuffin missed my hand by miles. She’s shit at throwing but when that comes off it’s going to look so cool. I picked his McMuffin off the floor and put it on the tray.

“Enjoy!” I said.