Hi, hi, it’s me. Again. Again, again, and again.

My family is frustrating me a lot right now, but I don’t really feel like discussing it.

Still not over Kakyoin’s death. Jesus fucking Christ. The fanfics don’t even cut it anymore — they just feel wrong since they always manage to make Kakyoin and Jotaro out of character. And it just doesn’t feel right.

I found one good fanfic — good writing, everyone’s in-character, and it’s an AU so no need to explain Kakyoin’s survival. It’s also not sexual and romantic from the start, THANK THE LORD!

But it was made in 2017 and there are only three chapters. Damn it.

All the “I’m in love with my best friend” stuff kinda reminds me of when I had a huge crush on one of my closest friends. It was around the time I came out, and for a little while after too. I still like her to an extent, but it’s not like she knows and it’s not like I’ll ever tell her.

It’s manageable. I have no idea how guys can’t keep it in their pants, but for me, it was pretty easy.

Also, I think it’s possible that I’m like demiromantic or something? I don’t know. I don’t really care for a label for myself on that part. I know I’m bi, but not quite sure about that part. It doesn’t really help my case that I LOVEEEEE slowburns and hate when things feel rushed.

I really hate that, and that’s why I can’t stand half these fanfictions. Most of them are fluff RIGHT at the start and quickly descend into smut when all I want is a GRADUAL, GRADUAL realization about how they feel.

It probably makes more sense when you realize that my biggest crushes have only been on people I’ve known for a while. I’ve had crushes on other people I haven’t known well, but they’re nowhere near as intense; they might not even count as crushes.

Anyhow, that’s all for that. Day… 8? or 9? of being unable to cope with Kakyoin’s death. GOD, I can’t handle it. Like… at all. I have to watch it to remind myself that it happened and that IT’S FICTIONAL YOU DUMBFUCK. Cannot STAND my brain today. Just take a sledgehammer and ram it into my skull, please. Take a stance and swing, batter up.

We’re on our way back home right now; we’ll pick Sadie up along the way.

Good afternoon/morning/night/whatever time it is for you, future me.

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