Pick, Dick, and Hick of the Day — 1/10/17

Pick Of The Day:

Baylor at West Virginia (O 138.5)

🎵Country Road, pound the over🎵

Like John Denver said, pound the over… because West Virginia’s offense if going to run wild tonight. Don’t get me wrong, Baylor’s defence only giving up 58.6 PPG is impressive (4th in NCAA) but they won’t stop the Mountaineers 4th ranked offense (90.1 PPG). Even more unlikely when you find that Baylor is giving up 73.6 PPG on the road while WVU is averaging 95.8 PPG in their own barn. (I don’t know for sure it’s a barn but let’s be honest, it’s definitely a barn.)

They especially won’t stop them in front of 14,000 rednecks, black out drunk on moonshine and god knows what, right in their own field/farm/holler/Coliseum.

Dick Of The Day:

Richard III of England, aka Duke of Dickester

There are two sides to every story or argument, obviously this super applies to Richard III*. (Sidenote: this could’ve been avoided had he chosen to go by ‘Trey”)

On one side**, it’s clearly a dick move to have you family members murdered so you can hold on to your thrown. And it’s an even bigger dick move to have your wife killed so you can call up a side piece from the farm system. I kind of feel for him because marriage was so fucked up back then, I mean, imagine having to choose between

A) the girl of your dreams (smokin’ hot and you’re super into each other) or

B) a chick who’s dad’s dad’s dad’s mother-in-law’s second husband decided he owned a random area of land

Really crazy part is actually being brainwashed enough to not even care about the chicks at all and legit pick them for their land and/or last name. If you put Tiffany Trump in front of this dude, he sees the equivalent of Boardwalk in Monopoly… after writing that, that’s actually kind of perfect.

*I don’t know if any of this is accurate because I jumped between sumaries of Richard III’s life and Richard III the play

**The other side of the conversation is that it’s a baller move to be so cocky you just start killing people so you feel more comfortable on your throne

Hick Of The Day:

‘Man Charged With Burning Underwear at Starbucks’

Is there anything worse than room-temp coffee? I hate to say it but I’m usually wasteful and just get a new cup, mostly because I feel like microwaving coffee is how they created the A-bomb.

Well, a gentleman in Florida (shocker) has finally come up with a logical and healthy solution! It’s just these X easy steps:

  1. Go into public bathroom at Starbucks
  2. Drop trou and remove undergarments
  3. Set said undergarments on fire
  4. Wait for coffee’s heat-level to reach desired temperature