Pick, Dick, and Hick of the Day — 1/12/17

Pick Of The Day:

UCLA (-6) at Colorado

The Colorado Buffaloes — a team with a badass name, capable of beating nearly anyone in the country; yet seemingly determined to prove they can lose to anyone, especially teams in their conference (hence their 0–3 Pac12 record). UCLA has barely lost a game this season (they’re single loss was to Baylor in a late game 3-point shot) and sport the nation’s third-ranked scoring offense, thanks to six of their players averaging double-digit points per game.

Unless the staff at the Coors Event Center replace UCLA’s water bottles with Banquet Beer (because we all know these hippies from California can’t handle their alcohol), I don’t see the Buffaloes keeping it a two-basket game.

Dick Of The Day:

Richard $ Rich Jr., aka Dick Rich

Kind of a dick move, tbh.

This is a perfect example of why I chose to write about a “dick of the day” in this series; we’re learning so much (useless information) about Richie Rich.

Shout out to Cadbury for that huge toothbrush.

Who knew Richie Rich was a comic book first?!

Turns out, Richie Rich was a comic book series that ran from 1960–1991. And as you can see, it had the most smug and cocky fucking subtitle: The Poor Little Rich Boy. The poor little kid who’s middle name is literally just a dollar sign, its actually “$”. The poor little kid who’s bathtub looks like an olympic size pool with a fish water-feature and a butler delivering the world’s largest toothbrush. So yeah, I’m calling bullshit on that subtitle.

Let’s be honest — when you hear Richie Rich, you think of the 1994 classic film starring a post-Home Alone/pre-crack addict Macaulay Culkin. As you should, that movie kicks ass. What’s better than the story of a kid living the dream life? He’s got a baller butler named after a chocolate egg, a sweet dog that’s literally one-of-a-kind, a McDonald’s in his house, an obese personal scientist, and in the end he gets a crew + the girl.

Anyway, Dick Rich is today’s dick of the day because he was stuntin’ on the hooligan kids from day one and definitely wasn’t portrayed by a kid that grew up to lose his mind and play in a pizza-themed tribute band.

Hick Of The Day:

Naked Man Breaks Into House Looking For Sesame Seeds

You know that feeling when you smoke synthetic fake weed and you really, really want some sesame seeds? Lord knows Martin Henderson of Largo, Florida (shocker) knows that feeling.

Not only did Marty bust into a couple’s house in search of sesame seeds but he decided to get buck ass naked first. Just a classic case of show it all for the sesame seeds.

PS — since we’re talking about sesame seeds, this is the only thing that matters:

Bet Pete Gregory never got ass naked & broke into a house for some sesame seeds… then again, he was a weird dude.