Accountability
Over the last year I’ve moved, pretty randomly and without planning on it, from someone who would only be known to people who actually know me to someone who could well be described as “oh, you’re that guy,” be that the guy who wrote the Guardian article you liked (or hated) or, as of yesterday, the guy who did that Twitter thread.
As we all know from the parable of the Milkshake Duck, with random internet attention comes scrutiny and responsibility. And as a western white cishet male with all the privileges that go along with that, I’m keenly aware that “fucking up in public” is now an inevitability, as is being unaware that I’ve done so until too late.
Accountability is going to be really important for me. The sooner I know something I’ve said is a problem, the sooner I can take steps to put it right, make amends for harms done, and work on being better. I appreciate that it’s nobody else’s responsibility to do this for me and that I am responsible for my own fuckups, but I will commit to being open to criticisms.
This also needs to apply to things I’ve written in the past, even if I no longer subscribe to them, as the nature of the internet means they can still have an impact on people now.
I don’t describe myself as a “feminist” or an “ally” for this reason. Personally, I feel they imply a certain level of completedness or achievement which I don’t feel comfortable claiming. If there’s ever a need to self-identify, I tend to say, for example, “I try to engage with my own internal biases” rather than “I am someone who has done this”. Rather than letting myself off the hook, I see this as a way of acknowledging the inevitability of my failures to live up to the standards I should have, while also putting the burden of doing the ongoing work to reach those standards on me.
And with that, I ought to engage in the process of accountability straight away.
In one of the tweets from the viral thread yesterday, I used a word and a kind of phrasing that I shouldn’t have, a word used as a derogatory term for sex workers. People have rightly objected to my use of that word.
Intent on these things doesn’t matter. Even in a quote, even “ironically,” that’s a word I shouldn’t use.
My use of such language speaks of a combination of thoughtlessness and entitlement which, like many cishet white guys, I had become accustomed to without challenge.
I apologise to everyone who I hurt by using that word: for the hurt I caused, for the perpetuation of the idea that non sex-workers using that word is OK, for any unintended harm. That’s my responsibility, and I’m sorry.
It’s unpleasant to find out that my own ignorance and privilege has led me to cause harm, but I’d rather find it out so that I can avoid it in the future. I am sure it is not the last time I will have to be held accountable for things. I will publicly commit to being open about that process so that when it needs to happen, the primary burden of dealing with that falls on me and not the people taking the time to call me out on it.
I hope that this post covers what needs to be covered. If there are people who feel there’s more I can do, I would ask, if you feel comfortable, to let me know — anonymously if you have reservations talking to me directly. It’s something I am serious about fixing, so if I’ve missed something, I would rather be told.
Thank you for reading.
