How to go Vegan — “How to deal with angsty family and friends — the social aspect” (Part 4 of 5)
Pretty much if you decide to eat a plant based diet, you can expect some of your family and friends to think you’ve lost your rocker (even crazier than losing your marbles or being off your rocker). Navigating the ins and outs of being a social human while also being a vegan can be tricky. The goal of this article is to help ease your mind. We’ve experienced this process, and now we’re telling you what works.
Talk the Talk
Your communication and interactions with your friends and family are important. The way you talk about food can really help you or hurt you socially, so if you want to get along with people, be polite, confident, cool, and non-judgmental. You can be confident and straightforward without being rude. You don’t need to be apologetic, you know why you’re eating plant based, so stick with it!
When I started eating plant based, many people asked me questions about it and I didn’t know what to say. That’s what inspired me to start researching more and to understand the why’s. We hope that you’ll do the same so that when your family and friends want to have a genuine conversation about healthy eating, you’ll be able to contribute.
Eating Out
Lucky for you, more and more menus are featuring plant based foods, so eating out doesn’t have to be the same anxiety-causing event that it once was. Some places that are especially accommodating are Mexican, Mediterranean, Thai, and Indian restaurants. If you go to a restaurant and there doesn’t seem to be anything apparent that you can eat, you can usually ask for a vegan version of their vegetarian options. Most restaurants are pretty knowledgeable and can help you out. Another thing that helps when eating out in a social setting is doing a bit of menu research beforehand. That way you can plan ahead and avoid the stress while you’re ordering.
Eating Over
Eating at someone else’s house can be tricky when you’re eating plant based, but totally doable! We eat over all the time and love it. For most of these occasions, our friends know that we eat plant based, and are so kind to plan meals that they know we can eat. Another strategy that works is to insist on bringing a dish yourself. That way, you can guarantee that you’ll have something to eat while at the same time exposing your friends to some yummy plant based food!
It’s also important to remember that it’s ok to politely say “no, thank you” to food that you don’t want to eat. If you don’t feel like getting too deep into your reasoning, you can say something like “Thanks, but I’ve been eating more plant based lately and my body feels great eating this way. It looks very tasty though”.
In some families, meals together are more than just people eating food. There are emotions, traditions, and expectations involved. Sometimes people can become offended if you choose not to eat something. It sounds silly, but it really happens. I’m going to use moms for an example: Let’s say you grew up eating your mom’s chocolate chip cookies, she knows you love them, and all the sudden you’re refusing them. Your mom might not understand your new lifestyle or diet choices and this could be difficult for her to process. One way to resolve this issue is by reassuring her that you love her cookies, but you’d rather not eat them right now. You could even introduce her to a different recipe that you could eat. In the end, she just wants to show her love for you, so she’ll be thrilled to make you cookies that you’ll eat.
If you want more specific tips about eating plant based around your family who isn’t on board, check out this lecture video: https://youtu.be/U-NE-5rIZVM It’s got some really good stuff. Also, Rich Roll talks about social situations with Kathy Freston in this awesome podcast: http://www.richroll.com/podcast/kathy-freston-352/ the whole thing is amazing, but the pertinent part is between about 1:04:00–1:13:00.
Why might your plant based diet be getting so much resistance? Here are 3 of our observations:
- The Annoying Vegan Theory
Sometimes, people push back because they’ve had previous experiences with annoying vegans. I think that everyone is familiar with the “annoying vegan” stereotype. This is that guy in line at Taco Bell who gets all mad at the cashier because someone accidentally put cheese on his burrito. Or the us vs. them instagram account that yells and swears at everyone for eating meat (we’ve had to unfollow a few of those). Being judgemental and condescending towards others isn’t helping anyone choose healthier foods or save the environment. Vegans like that are ruining it for the rest of us and making people become more resistant to the idea of change.
2. The Inferiority Theory
When people feel inferior for whatever reason, they often get defensive and resistant. I think that sometimes our friends and family members assume that we are looking down on them because we don’t eat the same foods as them. We can help this by making sure everyone understands why we love them, and that it’s not based on what they’re eating.
3. The Tease Theory
Sometimes your friends and family might tease you about eating plant based. This can be an outlet of resistance and insecurity for some, or even an expression of love for others. Regardless the reason, learn to let it go. When I was in high school friends teased me with the nickname, “Vic the Vegan Loser” (Link to article). I understood that they were joking though so I just brushed it off. Another example: I have a friend who sends me anti-vegan memes every time he sees one and it’s actually been a fun way for us to connect. He doesn’t actually want me to change the way I’m eating, it’s just something that is fun to joke about. We respect each other and have a good understanding. When people tease you, just play along and roll with it.
A community of Thrivers
If your family and/or friends don’t give you much support with your diet and lifestyle choices, it’s always important to surround yourself with people that will. That’s one of the reasons why we made Thriving on Greens — we wanted a platform where people who are getting into a plant based diet could get the support that they need. Our content that will inspire, motivate, and enable you to easily eat a plant based diet. If you haven’t already, get involved in your community:
That concludes part 4 of 5 in our “How to go Vegan” mini series.
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