Ahhh…here we go! You hate this…clearly.
This is the anxious-preoccupied side if the “anxious avoidant trap”, you being the avoidant side.
The push-pull…you both (we I guess) did not get the this…the affection and emotional safety in the so-called proper amounts to be secure. Both are not safe here.
Anxious got too little, but enough to keep wanting more love and affection this way. Thus, the striving, obsession to get it.
Avoidant got too little also, but almost none in fact, or a role model who also rejected this need…as being needy. Or more likely never learned how and backed away or rejected the need entirely.
Both are generational disfunction passed down.
The “trap” is you strive to get the right amounts of this from each other. The amount each can give, want and need are grossly misaligned!
…push-pull…occasionally a joint catharsis…addiction tango…both miserable yet, love each other…trapped by basic unfulfilled human needs.
So cosmically funny.