What I am saying is that once we are in a relationship, presumably with a person we love and respect, we could give them space to make their own choices. Our partners deserve to flourish as much as we do.
The Fine Line Between Discernment and Criticism
Brooke Wilder

Unfortunately, if you do not like the “way we do things” it becomes the starting point from which you judge. He makes poor choices here…then I am uncomfortable trusting him there. …it escalates fast.

Early in my marriage, I was doing a common household chore. My wife said, “I have always done it this way,” and showed me. I said, “I do it this way. It is more efficient.” She just simply could not believe I would continue doing it my way…. I think it is a control thing. For weeks she simply felt I was being pig headed and defying her.

She continued to believe her was was the best way…and I should do things her way! Unfortunately, this was true for career, happiness and many other things. I had to do things her way…that was the only way she was comfortable with. Then… I lost myself in trying to please her. Trying to be one what she wanted, while still trying to be me. Being me failed…it was bad for too many years. Even know, in the midst of divorce, she still insist I can only be happy with her way.

I never got a chance to find my own way. Now I will…but I have to unlearn so many bad thought processes she taught me.

It is of course my fault that I gave in. So many simple small thing…they add up. Then the big ones are expected.