Negativity Cleanse, Day 8: In My Opinion…

As a college freshman, I enrolled in Logic 101. “Finally, a class to help me affirm my aptitude at making winning arguments!” I thought.

In the second class of the semester, they unveiled the formulas.

Math (or anything resembling it) has always been one of my greatest allergies, so I dropped the course and explored a different philosophical course not so heavy in objective principles.

Looking back on it now, I can see that a greater understanding of the principles of actual logic would probably have helped me avoid many of the relationship pitfalls I’ve experienced as an adult.

Like so many people I confuse my gut (intuition) with logic and then form an argument or opinion around that feeling. Well, needless to say, my gut isn’t that educated on every topic for which I’ve formed an opinion. Sure, I read a lot and try to think critically on matters based on differing opinions, but too often I feel an invincibility to make an argument with friends, family or strangers based on that gut driven “logic” only to find that I am probably wrong and too proud to back down.

The consequence is that I can think of at least six people who I don’t like to be around OR do not like to be around me because I was too proud to admit they were right and continued a discussion to the point of argument.

To compound the problem, I find I’m at my most negative when I desire and seek out the opportunity to argue and show off my knowledge on a particular topic even if deep down I know I’m probably wrong or uninformed. Like a drug, I find these spurts occur almost like a bender. I’ll have a full week of seeking out discussions where I can flex my perceived intellectual muscle and will be unable to find joy in anything but those arguments.

On the cleanse, I’ve done a fairly good job avoiding these triggers and instead discussed more worthwhile topics with friends and have stayed away from commenting on social media or news articles.

I have slipped a couple of times which is probably expected given our current political climate. But, when the topic of politics has come up, I have restrained myself to just sharing my most sincere opinion and haven’t tried to “beat” or convince others that it is right.

And I think that is the right balance. I’m understanding more that everyone has an opinion informed by different experiences and very rarely am I going to be able to sway someone to my side. I need to stop seeking the feeling of conquest that I’m masquerading as persuasion or genuine discussion.

I’m listening more and, if necessary, walking away or changing the subject to something less incendiary. As a result, my stress has gone down and I find I’m connecting with people more.

To wrap this up, I’ve come to the conclusion that the old adage “opinions are like assholes, everyone has one” is correct, but it could be expanded. The argument should include “…and assholes are made of nothing but opinions.”