I’m Writing An Essay

I’m writing an essay, and I’m pretty proud of myself, if I may say so. I’m pretty sure I may, because no one cares whether I do or not, much less reads my essays. But that doesn’t matter, because at least I’m doing something productive — perhaps even bettering myself! And I’m not on Facebook or Twitter, posting photos of my deceased cat or musings on the traffic on the way in to work. (I don’t have a job.)

Instead, I’m writing about what I want to write about, on my time. I’m not doing it for pay, so I don’t have to answer to some cranky editor with a rumpled hat, loose tie and an invoice for me to sign so I can get paid.

The freedom is intoxicating. I can write anything! And then get it published within five minutes! To celebrate, I can sit back, pop a cold one and wait for someone to like it. Of course, by “like” I mean “‘like.”” Maybe I should have written “‘like’” from the outset — that’s more in keeping with the current “lingo.”

And I do plan on using current “lingo,” because I don’t want to appear middle aged — or worse. Most readers of Medium pieces fall in the 20–45-year-old demographic, and they don’t really care much about what we’re writing about. (Or what “they’re” writing about, right?)

In keeping with current wisdom. I’m going to keep it short. I’m not going to be the one with the essay under whose title reads the dreaded words, “14 min read.” Who’s got time to read War and Peace, right? Or even War? Or listen to an album by War?

It’s really an amazing world we’re finally living in. Moreso than ever, everyone has a voice. At long last, we can all shout our deepest thoughts to the cosmos! I’m not sure there are any readers in the cosmos, but we can shout them all the same. In fact, it’s our duty, if you ask me. (I know you didn’t, but still….)

Yes, it’s an amazing world. Remember when our kids used to whine, “I’m bored!”? Well, they were right! And what’s more, they finally did something about it! They invented the Internet. The Internet has made the world amazing, pretty much amazingifying it. Now the kids, who are now grown up and moved out of the house, are not bored any more.

Nor am I.

No, I stay busy — and informed. When I want to voice my take on what’s going on around me, I go straight to Medium.

Or, when the essay is good — “Meaty-yum!”