“You’re A Hater And I’ll Buy Your House Out Of Probate!” Rich Dad Seminars, The Courtyard by Marriott Behind The Target on City Line Ave.

That wasn’t just the smell of overwhelming rug shampoo at the Fairmount Ballroom in the Courtyard by Marriott. It was the odor of success and shame; dreams fulfilled and lives forgotten; Rich Dads and Poor Dads.

Robert Kiyosaki’s “Rich Dad Poor Dad” is arguably the most well-known personal finance book ever self-published. Influential thought leaders like Jaden Smith have touted the book as the secret behind their powers. Rich Dad Seminars was coming to the Courtyard by Marriott and I knew I had to go!

The main speaker was a sharped-dress man in his 60s who spoke with a Matthew McConaughey twang. He also had a catchphrase. “Watch this. This is soooo cool.”

He claimed he had dinner with Hilary Clinton, Bernie Sanders and, on 14 occasions, Donald Trump. In addition, he said he has personally trained several professional athletes including Daryl Dawkins and Antoine Walker, the star of ESPN 30 for 30’s “Broke.

He also had a catchphrase. “Watch this. This is soooo cool.” And he said a lot of other cool things:

  • “You’re a hater and I’ll buy your house out of probate!”
  • “I’ve seen your cars. Your cars are pieces of shit. You should just leave the windows down and the keys in the ignition and a sign that says ‘Take Me.’”
  • “I know a lot of you have bad credit. I bet your credit is so bad that its hanging outside of this hotel, smoking a cigarette, and waiting to kill you when you get into your car.”
  • “Being poor is a choice!”
  • “My 36-year-old son owns 27,000 properties across this country!”

He also at one point licked a computer tablet and said, “You don’t know where my tongue has been.”

As far as real estate investing advice goes, most if was — watch this — sooo cool. This guy invests in things like land near random Interstate highway exchanges. He also talked about:

  • How to scam the IRS. (All you have to do is say that you’re a real estate investor and you can, like him, deduct first class plane rides to Barcelona.)
  • How to invest in tax liens. (As in, you become the collection agency when someone can’t pay the taxes on their house. “There’s a lot of interest in those. If they don’t pay up, you then own their house.”)
  • How to scam both the government and veterans. (Buy a shitty house somewhere. And then find out about how the Department of Veterans will give you money while you stuff a bunch of homeless vets into your property.)

Mostly, though, dude told us that we could REALLY learn how to wear a flashy pocket square like him if we ponied up $500-ish for a 3-day seminar in a couple of weeks.


“Thanks for all of this information. My parents never gave me anything like this.”

“I bet they worked hard but weren’t smart with their money.”

“No. My parents didn’t work hard. My parents are trash.”


Want to feel degraded and demeaned while being subjected to a multi-level marketing pitch? Then this is your dream come true.

Final Rating 10/10