How to know the right time to cut and run

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Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

In episode ten, season three, of Friends, Chandler and Joey famously convince Rachel to quit her waitressing job at the coffee house so that she can get “the Fear”, i.e. the motivation to pursue her dream job. Their rationale being that while she has a steady income, she doesn’t have any drive to go after a more fulfilling role. Now, I know we shouldn’t necessarily be living our lives according to a sit-com from twenty years ago, but I’ve always wondered whether the concept might have any basis in truth.

As I near my fifth year of work since graduating, one thing is becoming pretty clear: it’s not for me. The early mornings, office politics, the corporate world, the whole shebang. My own personal hero is the Spanish civil servant who made global headlines a few years ago for not turning up to his job for possibly as long as 14 years, but still receiving his salary. This guy hacked the system and lived out every working schmuck’s lifelong ambition: to get paid for doing sweet fuck all. Sure, he got caught and had to pay a hefty fine, but I don’t think you can put a price on 14 long years of uninterrupted bunking off. …

It’s the skills you build after university that make all the difference

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As young adults, so many of us fret about what we are going to do (professionally) with the rest of our lives. How many family gatherings can you recall during your teens when one relative after another would hit you with the “so what do you want to be when you’re older?” question.

The choice of verb, “to be”, speaks volumes here. As a society, we place such importance on the specific activity someone chooses to perform in exchange for money. …

The big dirty secret is that no one really does

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Photo by Fred Kearney on Unsplash

I’m twenty-eight years old and I have no idea what I want to do with my life, or, quite honestly, why I’ve continued down the same unfulfilling path for the last five years since graduating from university.

I’m not alone, either. As children we think that adults have got everything figured out, but as soon as we leave the safety of school or higher education it becomes clear that, save for a few lucky individuals who somehow have a calling in life, most of us are just fumbling around in the dark. I studied modern languages (German and Spanish) at university, having been forced to take a gap year and re-apply after a catastrophically failed attempt to get into Medicine. …

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Perhaps the title of this piece is somewhat misleading, presenting a false dichotomy when in fact both options can simultaneously be true. I do, however, think that the driving force behind couples — or one half of the couple, at least— wanting to ‘open things up’ can generally be divided into these two groups. I speak both from personal experience, placing myself squarely within the freedom-seeking camp, and from the experience of others, having spoken to a number of people who tried and (usually) failed to reignite a dwindling relationship.

Married for five years and together for almost seven, my wife, Charlie, and I felt like we had nailed the whole monogamy thing. Arguably, we had grown too dependent on one another; insular and slightly withdrawn from social life, preferring instead to stay in and watch boxsets, but our relationship was in great shape. If I were to pick on one area in need of improvement, it would have been our sex life, having descended from the heady heights of multiple times a day at its zenith (in the early days, admittedly) to once a fortnight shortly before our journey into the weird world of non-monogamy and polyamory. …


David G

Lifestyle Optimisation | Social Trends | Relationships | Happiness

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