It is OK to be numb. It is OK to be pissed. It is OK to avoid praying. It is all normal, but definitely not comfortable or easy.
Continue to be honest. It is when one is not honest that things are not OK.
And, you are DEFINITELY not a bad son. In fact, you and Luke are just the opposite.
From one father to another father’s son: I am proud of you and I know your father would be too.