Intimacy: Into Me You See (2)
Recently I went on a long drive. I choose to drive whenever possible so I can look at things along the way.
The clouds (blue, white, pink, purple, grey), sun, moon and all the variations of plants both green & brown.
One can see things old, new and in between.
Motels, Gas Stations, Houses, Barns, and pieces of structures you can’t recognize.
I get to see live animals I never see living in a city. Horses, Sheep, Cows.
I enjoy being kept company listening to AA speakers. One of my recent listens said the aphorism which became this story. I generally cringe when people give a dictionary definition however here goes:
1. Close or warm friendship; “the absence of fences created a mysterious intimacy in which no one knew privacy.”
2. a usually secretive or illicit sexual relationship.
3. a feeling of being intimate and belonging together; “their closeness grew as the night wore on”.
I always thought that intimacy involved sex. Silly me. Thank God, I grew up, got older, and got enough life experience to comprehend the difference.
Now that I have an easy way to define this, let me personalize it for you.
At first, my most intimate relationships were with my sponsor or a sponsee of mine. Let’s be real, doing an inventory is not for people that want to write fiction. Nope, it’s non-fiction all the way. This at least seems to be how it works best.
When someone gives (or receives) a fifth step with another human being, this truly is intimate.
As a sponsee, the guidance I get from a sponsor who hears my inventory is so helpful. I discover: where mistakes have been made; what are my assets; and what defects have become assets.
Exactly where do I continue to “do the same thing over and over expecting a different result.”. I’ll get the answer.
As a sponsor, I have had many “Ah ha” moments. I’ve been a guide to helping someone understand themselves in the same way that I am helped.
I’ve always felt that when I hear a someone’s inventory, it’s as if my higher power & theirs have had a chat.
I’m guided in what to say, they’re guided by what they hear. The result is the understanding that one gets by doing this psychic surgery.
It never fails. NEVER. It’s such a privilege to be a conduit for another to stop judging themselves, beating themselves up and the like.
The 12 Step inventory process is a gift that keeps on giving. It’s magic never wears off.
Tinkerbell’s light is never dimmed.
Each & every fourth (and tenth) step have helped me glean new information on what to work on.
It did however take years of repeated trial and many errors for my heart to eventually grasp the things which I need to let go of.
Now a days, I’m emotionally sober, most of the time. I don’t walk on water. Conversely I don’t crawl through mud.
Most of the time, I feel right sized. If I’m unsure, I’ll check in with my sponsor, or a trusted friend. This helps me find my part and if in fact I have a part in the disturbance.
As I’ve said before, AA works when I (we) work it.